Single Mom Tips: Handles for Traveling with Kids

When you are out and about with multiple kids, things can get a bit tricky!  Especially when you may have kids with special needs or kids from foster care who don't understand the need to stay close and stay safe.  Having a child run out into the street on your watch can be a terrifying experience. When you have more kids than you do hands, holding hands no longer becomes a valid option, so what can you do:


We have these handles they come in multiple designs and you can add many handles to accommodate more kids.

 

Amazingly my kids hold on to these handles, apparently they don't realize they could just let go and run off, LOL!  Must be something psychological, but I wont complain :).  You can either hold your end of the handle or they easily clip onto a shopping cart or stroller.  At the beach I clip it on to my beach bag so they can hold on as we walk down to the ocean.

I also prefer these to the "leashes" many people use.  There are a lot of people who are very against them, I admit I used to not understand it, now I TOTALLY get it and if that works for your kid by all means use it!  These handles just feel better to me and I think help teach the kids some responsibility to stay safe.

Respite Drama

So 5 hours after I dropped R1 off back with his foster family, the foster mother is calling me to come back and pick him up.  She "made a mistake taking him back" and wants me to keep him for a few weeks.  At the beginning of the respite I gave her the benefit of the doubt due to the family circumstances that were bringing him into respite in the first place. However, as the week went on things just seemed more and more off with our conversations.  On Saturday she asked if I would be able to keep him the following weekend as well if his therapist didn't want him attending the family function that was being scheduled.  I said I would.  They were supposed to pick him up Sunday evening, she told me "He wants to stay till Monday so Ill just pick him up then".....um asking ME if that was okay might be nice.  When Monday comes she tells me she is going to need me to transport him to her since her husband doesn't drive...although she was there when we dropped him off and she drives, so.....?  When I drop him off she tells him he is coming with me next weekend, which means she didn't really check with his counselor on how to handle this situation, in fact no one had explained to him what the situation even was.  So she goes on to ask me when I can pick him up on Friday.  I ask about his school dismissal time and tell her I can pick him up around 5 after my son gets home on the bus.  She tells me she doesn't need to send him to school and I can come pick him up around 12 from her house.  No, not going to work lady!  Anyway I say I can pick him up directly from school on Friday and bring him home Sunday evening.  I left already feeling like she was taking advantage of me and the situation.  Less than 5 hours later she was calling for me to come get him.  I told her no, there is no way I can get him to and from his school everyday, or the 45 minutes each way to visit and counseling.  On top of that he has a safety plan that I wasn't informed about originally that is really hard for me to follow as a single parent.  I mean line of sight supervision is kinda hard when the only adult in the house would like to take a shower or pee!  I'm really frustrated and feel bad for R1, cant wait to see what happens tomorrow....wonder how long it will take the agency to call me and try and convince me to take him all week?  I don't want to sound cold or heartless to this foster families situation but I went into this round of fostering telling myself I was going to stand up for myself and what I want this time around, not get walked over, and here I am first situation in and already feeling taken advantage of, ugh.

When a Foster Child Gets Injured

Recently we had a respite placement at our house.  He ran through the living room and slipped on the wood floors bumping his head.  We went to have lunch and he complained that his head hurt and he wanted to lie down.  Heart palpitation began for me.  What you wouldn't think twice about with your birth or adopted children, a scrape on the knee or bruised elbow, quickly becomes a game of "What If?" in the foster parents mind.

What if their is some major hidden injury behind this minor one and I don't take him to the ER?  A bump on the head leads to a concussion or a bruised elbow becomes a fractured one in your mind.
What if the child makes a false allegation or doesn't answer questions in just the right way to explain the injury to others?
What if the birth parent sees the injury and makes a false allegation?
What if the school, doctor, case worker, sees the injury and hot lines it in?

These are not paranoid thoughts, many foster parents have been in these exact situations.  Its amazing how quickly something can spin out of control in "the system".  Its not even just your foster license or foster placement on the line, many situations trickle down and risk removal of your birth/adopted children as well during an investigation.  So what should you do in the event of an injury?

First, follow any guidelines set out by your county or foster agency!  If you have a manual be sure to check what it says as well as any verbal instructions you have received from your agency.  Obviously, it is better to be safe than sorry, so if in doubt call the pediatrician or 911 and have the child seen immediately. 

If it is a minor injury (bump, scrape, bruise, etc.) and you do not feel it needs any professional attention you will still want to document the injury to protect yourself.  I use this form to document any injuries.  (Edited to add:  This form includes a spot for pictures, if you don't use this form I highly recommend you take a photo of any injury or even a photo showing there were no visible marks from the injury to have for your records or to send to caseworker).  If there are any witnesses to the incident you may want to ask them to write an account of what happened as well, especially if the child is prone to false allegations, or at least include their contact information if a question arises.

I will place a copy in their foster care binder and then usually email a copy of it to the caseworker, especially if there will be a visit soon.

Depending on your relationship with the birth family you may want to communicate it directly with them as well.  In some situations I have kept a Communication Log with the birth family in a journal that travels with the child for visits.  I will often jot down in there if there as an injury, especially if it will be evident at a visit.

Any tips or thoughts on foster care injuries from your neck of the woods?

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Respite #1

Wednesday:
Our respite placement arrived around 1:30 when his social worker dropped him off.  He had a visit at 4, so we picked up Matthew from school and drove the 45 minutes downtown.  His siblings were there with their foster parent, but the birth parent no showed.  We waited an hour but no one could get a hold of her.  It was my first time in the waiting room, so I got to kind of take in the environment, staff, foster parents, birth parents, etc.  I talked briefly with another foster parent and got a good vibe overall.  R1 (Respite #1) was upset at first but by the time we left the building he had bounced back and wanted to be engrossed in the boys electronics. I don't know how parents made it before these devices, it was a lifesaver sitting in the waiting room for an hour, LOL!  We got home and had some dinner, the boys introduced R1 to Bey Blades.  They have played them nonstop!  The first night R1 took awhile to fall asleep, but laid nicely in his bed otherwise.   Matthew got up around 3am to go to the bathroom and within 2 minutes he had woken everyone up, or he woke James up and told him to go into R1's room and wake him up.  Ugh!  So sent Matthew up to the 3rd floor bedroom and tried to get everyone back to bed.

Thursday:
Snow day today!  I'm stuck in the house with four boys, fun times :) So far R1 has been polite and fitting in with the boys fairly well. Matthew on the other hand is being his usual controlling bossy self, frequently mean and hostile to play mates without realizing his tone and demeaner come across that way.  I continue to call him over and try and point it out, address it, and help him find better ways to talk/play with friends but he just does not seem to be making the connection.  Its even more apparent right now because R1 calls him right out on it and certainly as he gets more comfortable is not letting Matthew control the situation, whereas his younger brothers are usually pretty passive in this regard.  I'm glad to have this experience so I can pinpoint where and how to work on this with Matthew better.  He had a decent melt down in the afternoon.  After Matthew took a little alone time in his room and we discussed again how his behavior, tone of voice and demeanor were causing people to distance themselves from him, he apologized to everyone and seems to get back on track for the rest of the evening.

Friday:
Its Valentines Day here so we had pancakes and heart shaped bacon for breakfast and everyone played hide and seek for a good hour!  Everyone was getting a little snippy today, respite is hard on everyone.  I'm planning on writing about that another day.  We went to the Lego movie tonight, stopped at the dollar store first and let everyone pick out one toy for Valentines and a candy to bring to the movie.  Apparently buying Icee's at the movie makes me the "best foster mom" ever, Ill take it (just don't tell him the Icee was free with purchase of popcorn).  They had a good time and by the time we got home it was bedtime.

Saturday:
Matthew had a melt down today, I could feel it brewing and he finally exploded.  Combination of a change in routine with R1, not enough sleep, hadn't eaten breakfast cause he didn't want to stop playing, and R1 continually calling him out on everything even things he didn't do.  Its become apparent that R1 is pretty similar to Matthew in that he seeks out ways to upset others.  I think this will lead to some good talks next week with Matthew, but for now I got him calmed down and in his room for a little rest time.  It doesn't help that we are all cooped up in the house because of snow.  I think if the boys were able to run off their energy things might be going a little smoother. I talked to R1's foster mom today and the plan is to return him on Monday at lunchtime.  She has asked if he can come back next weekend if they need respite again due to their family situation.  I said we could do it if needed.

Sunday:
Went to church and then Chuck E Cheese today.  R1 is definitely getting more comfortable.  He has been "butting" into my conversations/reprimands with the other kids  and repeating directions in a bossy way.  Hmmmm...sounds like Matthew huh?  LOL, he's definitely very similar.  We went to dinner at Grandma's house.  I found out after the fact that Matthew had thrown all his lasagna under the table on the white rug.  The problem was R1 had eaten everything on his plate and the grandparents were making SUCH a big deal about how he was a great eater.  In fact at one point R1 even looked right at Matthew and taunted, "haha Im getting all the attention".  Of course I just get the phone call about the stain and how "I cant let him get away with these things".  None of which is helpful, Im not sure how he is getting away with anything??  I will address it.  There is just no understanding of the part they play in fueling the fire with Matthew. 

Monday:
We returned R1 on Monday around noon. Matthew had school today as a make up day for the snow despite it being a holiday, so I just had the littles to take along.  We dropped him off and I had a brief conversation with Foster Mom about him coming back this weekend Friday-Sunday.  I didn't get the best feeling from Foster Mom but I'm trying not to judge, they have been through a lot this week.



Thoughts:
I definitely think for long term placements I need a younger kid or girls, cause it was too much for my oldest to handle. Maybe if it was a boy who didn't have so many similar issues it wouldn't have been so triggering.  All in all I'm pretty proud of him and think that this really led to some great conversations.
I need to speak with my boys about giving their stuff away, I LOVE that they had such a giving spirit, but the respite kid continually asked for their stuff and they kept giving it away or asking me if they could give it away...it became exhausting...then if I said no or they said no he "wouldn't be their friend". I don't want to crush that generosity, but if we will be having kids in and out they will have no stuff left. My oldest just kept saying he wanted to give him things cause he remembers when he didn't have any toys before he came here, broke my heart and made me proud Just cant afford it!
Weekends and No school days need to have a better schedule in place, otherwise we have too much screen time which leads to everyone arguing and also seems to trigger Matthew's negative attitude and behavior.
I need to call the agency tomorrow and figure out if Im supposed to do anything paperwork wise with Respites....for that matter I really hope I get the stipend for the days he was here.  I never even asked.  In my last agency respite was just worked out between foster parents, no pay was given by the agency.  If that's the case here I don't think I will be getting a stipend from his foster mom, lol!

Freeze Ahead Creamed Spinach

 

 

I found this giant bag of spinach for about 4 bucks at our local produce place.  When I got home I was trying to figure out what to do with all of it and Creamed Spinach was the first thing that came to mind.  I always try and convince my kids to be like Popeye and eat their spinach, they don't usually go for it!  BUT this creamed spinach was right up there alley.  The best thing about it is you can freeze it for up to a year!

 

 

 

Ingredients: 6 Packages Loose Leaf Spinach
2 Cups Milk
1 Stick Butter
1/2 C Flour
1/4 C Olive Oil
3 T Minced Garlic
1 t each Salt & Pepper

You will need to use 2 pots, one to make the cream and one to wilt the spinach.

 Get your smaller pot out and ready for making the cream.  First, melt the butter in your pot on med-high heat.  With a whisk, quickly add (and keep stirring) the flour - this is called making a roux and it will thicken any liquid added to it.  When the flour is well incorporated into the butter, add the milk.  Keep whisking and you will see the mixture thicken quickly.  Add salt & pepper.  When it's the consistency of gravy, take it off the heat and set aside.

 
 
 

For the Spinach.  In a large pot, add the Olive Oil and Garlic. Over medium heat, add a handful of spinach at a time.  As the spinach begins to wilt, add more until all of the spinach has wilted.

 

 

 

Finally, stir the "Cream" into the spinach and allow to cool.

Next fill freezer bags with the Creamed Spinach.

 

Separate the mixture into six freezer bags, label and freeze for up to 1 year.  When you're ready to use it, microwave for about 3 minutes in a microwave safe dish.

 

 

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This Week's Menu and Next: Feb 16-22 and Feb 23-March 1

Ill be going on my annual Trauma Momma's retreat in Orlando from March 6-10, so I'm trying to clean out my refrigerator/freezer and cabinets in the next two weeks, hopefully I wont have to make any trips to the grocery store!

 

February 16-22

Breakfasts:
Cold Cereal, Banana Muffins, Cinnamon Sugar Toast, English Muffins
Weekend:  Oven Pancake, Eggs and Sausage

Lunches:
Packed Lunches-  Ham and Cheese or PBJ, Carrots/Celery, Apples, Chips/Pretzels, Tasty Cakes

Home Lunches-  Taco Salad, Pre-frozen Mini English Muffin Pizzas, Carrots/Celery, Apples/Oranges

Snacks:
Carrots, Celery and PB, Raisins, Pickles, Apples, Clear out Pantry

Dinners:

Sunday-              Grandmas for Dinner
Monday-             Grilled Cheese Hamburgers, Macaroni Salad
Tuesday-             Hot Dogs, Corn, Mashed Potatoes, Apples
Wednesday-       Nachos, Salad
Thursday-           Chicken Parmesan Subs, Roasted Potatoes
Friday-                Pizza/Chinese Take Out Night
Saturday-            Leftovers


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February 23- March1

 



Breakfasts:
Cold Cereal, Cinnamon Sugar Toast, English Muffins (Cin. Raisin and Plain)
Weekend:  Oven Pancake, Eggs and Sausage

Lunches:
Packed Lunches-  Ham and Cheese or PBJ, Carrots/Celery, Apples, Chips/Pretzels, Tasty Cakes

Home Lunches-  Grilled Cheese, Soup, Carrots/Celery, Apples

Snacks: Clear out Pantry

Dinners:

Sunday-              Taco Salad
Monday-             Spaghettio's, Carrots
Tuesday-             Hot Dogs, Creamed Spinach
Wednesday-        Mashed Potatoes, Grilled Chese
Thursday-           Slow Cooker Italian Chicken Sandwiches, Roasted Potatoes
Friday-                Pizza/Chinese Take Out Night
Saturday-            Leftovers

Respite Binder for Foster Care

One of the most popular posts on this blog is the Foster Care Binder to keep track of all the documentation that goes along with fostering. I have adapted it to a Documentation Binder for those children who have been adopted or birth children with special needs.  But what about those respite situations where you only have a placement for a short time but still want to keep track of things?  I made a Respite Binder this weekend with our first Respite Placement, this includes only the forms that would be needed or useful for a short placement.

I arranged my respite binder in a 1 inch binder with 3 sections Current Placement, Past Placements, Blank Forms.

The "Respite Packet" includes a basic information sheet, notes sheet, medication/mileage log, Incident Report, and Clothing Inventory.

Basic Information Sheet:  Includes Child, Caseworker, and Foster Parent's contact information as well as the reason for and dates of respite.  It also has space for any notes you may have.

Medication/Mileage Log:  This is a shortened version of the full forms available in the Foster Care Binder.  You can keep track of any medication administered as well as mileage for any travel that is reimbursed by your agency.

Incident Report:  I have included an Incident Report if needed for any minor (or major) injuries that may happen while the child is in your care for respite. (Edited to add:  This form includes a spot for pictures, if you don't use this form I highly recommend you take a photo of any injury or even a photo showing there were no visible marks from the injury to have for your records or to send to caseworker).

Clothing Inventory: With multiple kids in the house and short respite visits, Id hate to forget to send something back that came with the child.  I print this Clothing inventory by changing the print settings on my computer to two pages per sheet.  I then print two copies, one for clothing in and one for clothing out.

Here is a link to the forms I've included in my Binder:
Respite Forms

In addition to these forms I keep a copy of any information provided to me.  Once respite has been completed I staple all the documents together in the corner and move them to the Past Placements section.

What else do you think is important to keep track of for Respite Placements?

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