Schedule for No school days due to Snow/Teacher Inservice/Holiday

7:00         Wake Up
7:15         Breakfast, Free time
9:00         Read Story
9:15         ABC Mouse for James and Joel, Reading Comprehension Activity for Matthew, Mom load laundry and dishes
9:45         Snack, Social Skill Review
10:00       Outdoor Play Weather permitting OR Free time on Ipad/Computer, Mom clean kitchen
10:30       Math Activity
10:45       Legos/Blocks, Mom load laundry/dishes
11:15       Writing
11:30       LUNCH
12:00        Nap
2:00          Snack, Social Skill Review
2:15          Outdoor Play Weather Permitting OR Coloring/Craft
3:00           Read Story
3:15           Free Time
4:00           Matthew walks dog
4:15           Family Devotional
4:45           Clean Up/Chores while Mom makes Dinner
5:00            Dinner
5:30            Baths/Get ready for Bed
6:00            Bed for Joel, Read in Room for James
7:00            Bed for James, Mommy and Matthew time
7:30            Read in Room for Matthew
8:00            Bed for Matthew

Manner #1: Proper Posture

 

 

We are working on Table Manners at our house.  I'm making a sign for each "manner" we work on and hanging them near the table.  Here is the first sign, front and back, for using proper posture at the table!

 

Monthly Caseworker Visit: April

The agency caseworker was out today her monthly visit.  She let me know she got a new job in adoptions so there would be a new caseworker soon.  She let me know she is trying to set up another visit with Mom for May 19th. She played with Alex outside for a little while and talked with him in his room for a few minutes.  We did a clothing inventory, although she didn't actually check the clothes.....just went through the list and I had to give her an estimate.  We certainly don't lack on clothes around here, but you would think they would actually check??  Oh well, it was quick and sweet.  She will be going out to his school in a couple of weeks.  I know there is a court date at the end of this month, though I haven't actually received any information about it.
Later this afternoon the county caseworker called.  He was preparing his notes and wanted basic information like what school Alex was at and what counseling place.  Did I mentioned that he has signed paperwork for both of these places and given it to me???  Don't they copy those things for the file, you would think he would have.  But apparently not.  I on the other hand have everything ever sent to me or signed by me in Alex's binder, go figure.  He also has informed me that they will be starting sibling visits soon, but he doesn't know where yet.  Sibling visits with his little sister, who is still living with the relative he was removed from.....hmmmmm.  Ill let you know how that goes!

Update on Bus Letter

Never really heard anything back from my bus letter, other than apparantly the aide told Matthew to tell me Thank-You.  At least the information was shared and hopefully they will take my advice to heart.
A few days later we also got a note from school saying that they are aware that several parents have complained about the bus and they are trying to reach out to the bus company to discuss the issues.

Parent-Teacher Conference and stuff

 I had been sick since last Thursday and finally broke down and went to the CVS minute clinic on Saturday, strep throat....ugh!  Medicine finally began kicking in on Sunday and I could begin picking up the disaster zone that had become my house. Praise the LORD, that I had spent the week before teaching everyone a morning and evening chore to do around the house.  That alone kept us together while I was sick.  I'm so proud of Matthew especially, he is rocking the dishes, which I absolutely despise so it is a huge help for me :)  Sunday night and Monday morning James was looking a little lethargic so I didn't take him to preschool.  We dropped Joel off and did a few errands together, in the dollar store he told me had had to use the bathroom and then promptly peed his pants, which wouldn't have been a big deal.  However, the next day (Tuesday) he then pooped his pants.  He's never had an accident since being potty trained so this was bizarre to me.  Not to mention inconvenient because Tuesday was packed with appointments, Matthew, James, and Joel all had their 6 month dental check up on Tuesday.  Alex only has half days so we had to pick him up at 12:30 and then head to Joel's speech therapy.  After that we had to go straight back to Alex's school for his parent teacher conference!  By the time we got home and got James in the tub he was pretty embarrassed.  I'm hoping this isn't going to become a thing and rather was just a coincidence  or a result of him not feeling 100%.  When I got him in the bath I noticed that he had pieces of "floam" in his stool.  Its like playdough but made with tiny bead shaped things.  Obviously he had been eating it, gross, and probably why he wasn't feeling well.   The permission to evaluate from the school was in the mail when we got home, so that is a blessing and hopefully they will put James back on an IEP for kindergarten next year. 
Alex's parent teacher conference went well, his teacher said he is transitioning well into the school and as made friends.  She doesn't have any behavior issues with him.  She admitted she was a little nervous because he is the first "foster kid" she has ever had and wasn't sure what to expect.  Alex is definitely a great ambassador for the idea that foster kids are just normal kids who are in a bad position due to know fault of their own.  He is a great kid!  Academically he is doing great, scoring at the advanced level on the last reading test, consistently getting 100% on spelling and math tests.  I'm so glad to hear he is doing well and he LOVES his school.  The teacher said he tells everyone how he is staying here and doesn't have to move homes again till his Mom comes back.  He shared with his teacher about going to visit Mom so it seems like he has a good relationship with her too. 
James had two small cavities and they had openings to get them filled Wednesday and Thursday morning, which meant no preschool for him those days either.   The dentist said he did a great job.
We have the agency caseworker coming over for her monthly visit tonight and she called yesterday to see about setting up another visit for Alex and Mom in May.  So far she hasn't shared much information with me, but I know there is a court date sometime this month so maybe I will hear more. 
I may be calling the agency soon to let them know we still have a crib open and ready.......... :)

Therapy 101- EFT: Emotional Freedom Techniques

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) also called "tapping" is a quick easy intervention or coping skill you can teach your kiddos to deal with big feelings anywhere at anytime.  Similar to acupuncture, the child will tap on certain points of their body while running through a script helping them process their feelings.  There is a wide variety of variations on how you can do this with your child, and an internet search will give you tons of ideas, videos, scripts, etc.

First you need to teach the tapping points.  Below is a video teaching a child to use the points.  For younger kids I would recommend using a stuffed animal and putting stickers or sewing buttons on the tapping points so they can practice with it.  You can choose to only teach a few tapping points if that is all your child can handle right now, I would do at least a minimum of four.  For my youngest we use four tapping points King's Crown (top of head), Mustache (Under Nose), Tarzan (Collar Bone), and Monkey (Under armpit).  For my oldest we do all of the tapping points and I made a "cheat sheet" that has pictures of him doing each tapping point so he can reference it as he works through the script.






Once they know the tapping points you can find scripts online or make your own, check out youtube too! You will find that most of the "adult" scripts are too long or complicated for kids to follow, here is a great page showing a way to develop simple scripts for kids:  Dumping, Dreaming, Deciding Technique for developing EFT Scripts.  Here is an example of a script I made for my son dealing with angry feelings: Printable Anger Script.  I used the Dumping, Dreaming and Deciding technique but also added in a section for Physical Symptoms because I think it is helps my son connect the physical symptoms to the feelings.

Here's the thing about the scripts, if your kid doesn't want to say it out loud, that's okay.  If they want to copy and repeat after you, that's okay.  If they want to read it silently, that's okay.  If they refuse to do the script at all and just sit there listening to you, that's okay too :)  The thing I've found most helpful with the scripts for my son is having him hear/say that his feelings are valid, that there is a way to have those feelings and work through him, and that he is an awesome/smart/brave kid.  He struggles with self esteem so having those positive affirmations reinforced while tapping is great for him.

We are working on making him a binder filled with different scripts and I have video taped myself doing the scripts on his Nintendo DS so he can watch them whenever he needs.  Its super simple to do and it can never hurt to give your kids more tools for their arsenal!



Resources
Do's and Don'ts of tapping with Kids
EFT SUPER STAR:  Brad Yates
Community Forums for Parents and Professionals using EFT with kids

Bus Issues with Matthew

 
I had an unpleasant time this morning when the bus aide almost didn't let my kid on the bus because of his "disrespect".  The aide made Eric walk back home this morning from the bus and demanded that I come to the bus stop and speak with her or Eric was not allowed on the bus. This is the FIRST issue we have ever had in two years on the same bus (however this is a new aide)! Not to mention I had three other children in the house, so running down the block to the bus stop with no notice was not ok. The aide was rude and disrespectful to me and I was still fuming about it 5 hours later so I can only imagine how her tone and body language escalated whatever issue happened yesterday morning.  Basically she said he is jumping around and hanging on seats an when told to sit down is very disrespectful.   She told me while waving her finger in my face that she is "NOT going to have some punk disrespectful KID talk to her that way!"  I politely responded that I understood and asked her if she had let the bus know when she dropped him off at school yesterday.  She told me that she had not, she wanted to speak to me first.  I asked her to please let them know.  She said to me, in a very aggressive demeanor, "Aren't you going to say anything to him?!".  I told her I would address it at home later and she flipped out telling me that that's the reason he is disrespectful.  Needless to say I think a big part of his bus issue is the bus aides demeanor and tone, but regardless my kid need to learn how to respond appropriately. I wish schools would have bus drivers, cafeteria workers, etc take training a on trauma or behavior/discipline! I felt the need to write them a little note telling them about my kids issues, the effect of trauma and what works for him. I'd like to offer some suggestions for them to try and make the bus ride go smoother?
I did end up calling the supervisor to ask what the protocol is for bus discipline, as I suspected what was done was not appropriate.  I nicely informed the supervisor directly that I would be happy to do a training with all the bus drivers if he would ever allow it :) I plan on having Eric write an apology note and pay me back for some Starbucks gift cards I bought for the driver and aide and enclose a copy of my letter for them tomorrow morning. Hopefully it will make a difference, if not Ive tried! 

Here's the letter I wrote:

Dear Bus Driver/Aide,

    Thank-you for informing me of Matthew’s recent behavior on the morning bus ride to school.  I know that you have a tough job, especially on a bus filled with children who have special needs!  Please know that we will deal with Matthew’s behavior appropriately at home,  he has written an apology note that I have enclosed as well as purchased a small gift with his own money to thank-you for your hard work.  I am hoping that by sharing a little about Matthew with you, you will better understand his behavior and be able to utilize some of his strengths to make for a smoother ride to school.  I am more than happy to speak with you anytime by phone/email or to set up a time to meet in person if you have any questions or concerns.

   

I adopted Matthew out of the foster care system three years ago along with his two younger brothers.  Matthew’s first six years of life were filled with severe abuse and neglect.  As a result of the trauma and toxic stress that Matthew endured for those years he was left with special needs that he struggles to overcome daily.  He is very bright and has made an incredible amount of progress in the last three years, but still has difficulty in some areas.  Matthew has been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), ADHD, and Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) as well as other mental health issues.  Due to his history and diagnosis Matthew’s ability to trust adults to keep him safe or meet his needs is severely compromised.  He does not have the ability to read social cues including tone of voice or body language and often perceives things in an aggressive, accusatory manner.  He is highly impulsive with a lack of cause and effect thinking, causing him to be unable to think through his words or actions and determine consequences.  He lacks skills in empathy and has difficulty understanding how his actions/words may cause another person to feel.  

    It is a lot of issues for someone so young to have to handle on a daily basis, having adults who are consistent and keep his environment structured and routine make a huge difference.  Here are some ideas that may help his behavior on the bus:

1. Visual Reminders:  Matthew does better with lists or visual reminders rather than direct verbal confrontation.  If you would jot down any specific bus rules and hand them to Matthew to put in his book bag I would be happy to create a small laminated card with the bus rules/routine on them that could be handed to him in the mornings when he gets on the bus.
2. Immediate Consequences: Matthew needs immediate consequences for his behavior in order for him to make the cause and effect connection.  Please let the school know of any issues as soon as he is dropped off, so his teacher can address it with him immediately.  Feel free to write a note on any behavior issues in his planner as well, both the teacher and myself would then be able to see it and address the issue.
3. Close Proximity:  If Matthew believes he has gotten away with something he will escalate his behavior quickly, by keeping him close to you on the bus this will help eliminate the opportunity for him to cause problems.  
4. Verbal Prompts:  If verbal prompts need to be given it is best to keep them short and avoid excessive talking or back and forth arguing.  For example, a simple “Sit Here” works well, do not engage in explanations or respond to his arguing.  It is best to keep your tone and body language calm, positive, and even tempered.
5. Keep him Occupied:  Matthew responds really well when given a “job” or “responsibility” to do, even something as simple as asking him to look for a specific street name may help keep him focused.  I’d be happy to provide Matthew with some “Books on Tape” that he can listen to while on the bus ride if that would be allowed.

Thank-you again for all of your hard work keeping the children safe while transporting them to school each day.  I hope that some of these ideas may be helpful with Matthew.  I will continue to impress upon him the importance of following the rules and routine on the bus.  If there is anything specific you would like me to do please let me know and I will be happy to help.  You can reach me by phone at _________or email ________________