Rough few weeks.

The last few weeks have gotten progressively worse for Alex.  Logically I get where his behavior is coming from, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with on the daily!  I feel like about a month ago Alex really started attaching to us as a family, getting comfortable here, he began asking for hugs and telling me he loves me.  Shortly after that we began seeing MAJOR push backs, the incessant "You hate me, you like everyone more than me".  He even developed a little sing song-y thing based on the Lego Movie "Everything is Awesome".  He would sing "Everybody hates me....." over and over and over, to the point where I couldn't get anything done.  He is constantly pouting, not listening, calling the other kids names or starting arguments with them.  To be honest its wearing me down.  I get it, I really do.  There is a feeling of betrayal for kids when they start to bond with another family.  There is also the understanding that they will go back to their birth family, more than likely even in the best of situations their birth family will not be able to offer them the same things.  Alex is now trying to push us away, convince himself that we don't love him, thus making it easier to return to his birth family.  Today Alex had a visit with his sister, his sister is in the custody of Grandma.  Grandma is where Alex was living before coming here, Grandma was deemed unfit to care for him for whatever reasons.  Since his sister wasn't actually a ward of the state she stayed there.  Today Grandma showed up with Alex's brother, who was living with his dad (different dad then Alex). This brother is now living with Grandma.  How can an 8 year old kid make sense of that?  The only logical inference for him to make is that HE isn't wanted by his birth family, but that pain would just be too much. So we take the brunt of his anger and sadness.  Anger and Sadness that is displaying itself in him screaming stomping and crying in his room for the last hour over a 5 minute time out for calling Matthew a dummy for the 4th time this evening...sigh.    Really wish Starbucks delivered right now!!!!!

It's finally SUMMER!

Sorry its been so long since I updated you all :)  It is finally summer!

The kids did Vacation Bible School last week and had a blast.  Are the VBS's in your area charging?  I was floored when looking for VBS's for the kids to go to that almost all of them were charging 25-35 bucks per kid.  The one I sent them to last week was the only free one I could find.  To me that is just crazy, "Hey we would love to tell your kids about Jesus....it will cost you though!".  Oh well, it all worked out anyway because I found out our city has a playground camp the whole month of July, I thought it was 10 dollars a day BUT this morning when I went to register James, Joel, and Alex I found out it was 10 dollars for the WHOLE month! It is M-F 9-12 for Joel and James and 9-12 and 1-3 for Alex, Matthew will go in the afternoons.  They go on trips like swimming, bowling, etc occasionally. Matthew goes to ESY for the month of July. 8-1 Monday through Thursday.

Buttercup has been doing great, she is SO close to walking, it will be any day now!  Mom has shown up to the visits each week and Buttercup gets so excited seeing her walk in the door.

Alex has visits with mom once a month at the jail, she has been telling him he is coming home this summer. Apparently she is up for parole soon.  Alex is having a hard time understanding that this is probably not the case.  Even if she is released on parole, he wouldn't be able to go home right away.

We had R1 back for respite this weekend, 6 kids almost pushed me over the edge, LOL!  I don't think it would be so bad if they were not all so close in age...and boys (except my Buttercup).  Between R1, Matthew and Alex they are constantly in a control battle.  R1 brought a bunch of toys and of course when it was time to go everyone argued over whose Bey Blade pieces were whose....which I warned them would happen.  Then we couldn't find two of R1's Nintendo DS games.  We spent hours looking everywhere and ended up not being able to go to the Aquarium like I had wanted to.  We could not find them, I thought Matthew had hid them somewhere so I gave R1 one of our games that was the same and told him Id find the other and give it to his caseworker.  About 10 minutes after we dropped him off R1's foster mom called and said they were in his pocket! Grrrrrr......she is supposed to drop off our game at the agency this week, we will see if that actually happens.

We went to the beach for a couple days last week.  The boys woke me up at 5 am to look for shells and we found this little guy.....we named him "Hermie".  The boys took care of him all day and then released him back into his habitat, but only after I promised to buy them each a hermit crab this weekend when we go back!  Ahhhhhh that's a lot of hermit crabs :)

So there is my update for today!

Alex's Sibling Visit

This will be the second weekend that Alex was supposed to have a visit with his sister who lives with  kinship placement. The same kinship placement he was removed from.  Last time the kinship caregiver cancelled.  This time she called and said she will only come for 30 minutes since the Judge said she couldn't be in the visit.  She didn't want to wait in the lobby for 2 hours.  We will see how it goes tomorrow.

Alex turns 8!

Yesterday was Alex's 8th birthday!  he totally screwed up my odd numbered children (9,7,5,3,1) now they are ages 9,8,5,3,1 and with Joel's birthday in another week it will be all kinds of messed up :)
When I asked him what he wanted he told me "A new lunch box!"  He was totally excited when I said he could pick more than a lunchbox for his birthday....sometimes I forget this is all new to him and many foster children.  He brought doughnuts in for his class treat. We went to Chuck E Cheese, came home for ice cream cake and presents.  He had a great time! Happy Birthday Alex :)

Monthly Caseworker visit for Alex

Alex's caseworker was out today for her monthly visit...yes you read that right a caseworker came on the first of the month for the monthly visit rather than the last day, LOL!  She told me that she is really glad he is here and he is doing really well here.  She has scheduled another visit with Mom in a few weeks and we will try the sibling visit again next weekend and see if Grandma will bring his sister.

On a side note, Alex has been calling me "Mom" all week....not YO or HEY YOU!  I think he might not hate me anymore :)

Phantom Ailments Continue

Sometimes dealing with Alex is like talking to my Grandmother in her Nursing home, each day brings a new pain or sickness that needs to be discussed in length and complained about until I just cant take it anymore.  Ive gone back and done the math, Alex has been here 67 days so far.  He has had something "wrong" with him at least 27 of those days (these are just the ones Ive documented, I know I missed some).  It has ranged from his knee hurting, eye hurting, ear hurting, stomach hurting, throat hurting, ankle hurting and my all time favorite his LIPS are burning.  Back at teacher conferences I had talked with his teacher and he hadn't been complaining of any of these things there, however that is no longer the case.  Last week he told me the nurse gave him ice for his burning lip and that helped SO much, cough cough. On Sunday he fell on the playground and began immediately complaining his ankle hurt, complete with limping....on alternating legs.  Mind you he has been running around outside when he doesn't know Im watching and these pains come up randomly throughout the day, but not when he is busy doing something.  Today I got a call from the school nurse that he was in the nurses office with "knee" pain.  Let me start by saying I was already irritated with this Nurse when she said, "Is this mom?" and I said "Yes." and she felt the need to clarify, "FOSTER mom".  Yes I am foster mom, does it really make a difference right now?  You are trying to reach me, you know my relationship to him, he is probably right there in the office, what is the point of pointing out Im foster mom??!  Grrr.....anyway when she said he was in there with knee pain and had he ben telling me about this.  I explained to her that he had fallen at the park and said his ankle had hurt, but that there was no swelling and he was running around on it fine when he wanted to.  I also explained that there had been frequent issues of aches and pains since he got there.  She told me that his teacher had informed her that I had explained this, BUT she thinks it is probably growing pains and wanted to make sure he was getting enough sleep and calcium??!!!  UM seriously lady, you have NO clue what is going on....maybe I missed the class on lips burning indicating growth spurts? I reiterated that I believe it is an attention issue and that we are trying to balance giving him attention yet also explaining to him that making up injuries is not the way to get attention and that it makes it difficult for people to trust him and know when he is really hurting.  She promptly told me that he is the second child to come in today with these growth issues so she just wanted to let me know and hung up.

Why is it so irritating dealing with the "professionals" who should get it?

Monthly Caseworker Visit: April

The agency caseworker was out today her monthly visit.  She let me know she got a new job in adoptions so there would be a new caseworker soon.  She let me know she is trying to set up another visit with Mom for May 19th. She played with Alex outside for a little while and talked with him in his room for a few minutes.  We did a clothing inventory, although she didn't actually check the clothes.....just went through the list and I had to give her an estimate.  We certainly don't lack on clothes around here, but you would think they would actually check??  Oh well, it was quick and sweet.  She will be going out to his school in a couple of weeks.  I know there is a court date at the end of this month, though I haven't actually received any information about it.
Later this afternoon the county caseworker called.  He was preparing his notes and wanted basic information like what school Alex was at and what counseling place.  Did I mentioned that he has signed paperwork for both of these places and given it to me???  Don't they copy those things for the file, you would think he would have.  But apparently not.  I on the other hand have everything ever sent to me or signed by me in Alex's binder, go figure.  He also has informed me that they will be starting sibling visits soon, but he doesn't know where yet.  Sibling visits with his little sister, who is still living with the relative he was removed from.....hmmmmm.  Ill let you know how that goes!

Parent-Teacher Conference and stuff

 I had been sick since last Thursday and finally broke down and went to the CVS minute clinic on Saturday, strep throat....ugh!  Medicine finally began kicking in on Sunday and I could begin picking up the disaster zone that had become my house. Praise the LORD, that I had spent the week before teaching everyone a morning and evening chore to do around the house.  That alone kept us together while I was sick.  I'm so proud of Matthew especially, he is rocking the dishes, which I absolutely despise so it is a huge help for me :)  Sunday night and Monday morning James was looking a little lethargic so I didn't take him to preschool.  We dropped Joel off and did a few errands together, in the dollar store he told me had had to use the bathroom and then promptly peed his pants, which wouldn't have been a big deal.  However, the next day (Tuesday) he then pooped his pants.  He's never had an accident since being potty trained so this was bizarre to me.  Not to mention inconvenient because Tuesday was packed with appointments, Matthew, James, and Joel all had their 6 month dental check up on Tuesday.  Alex only has half days so we had to pick him up at 12:30 and then head to Joel's speech therapy.  After that we had to go straight back to Alex's school for his parent teacher conference!  By the time we got home and got James in the tub he was pretty embarrassed.  I'm hoping this isn't going to become a thing and rather was just a coincidence  or a result of him not feeling 100%.  When I got him in the bath I noticed that he had pieces of "floam" in his stool.  Its like playdough but made with tiny bead shaped things.  Obviously he had been eating it, gross, and probably why he wasn't feeling well.   The permission to evaluate from the school was in the mail when we got home, so that is a blessing and hopefully they will put James back on an IEP for kindergarten next year. 
Alex's parent teacher conference went well, his teacher said he is transitioning well into the school and as made friends.  She doesn't have any behavior issues with him.  She admitted she was a little nervous because he is the first "foster kid" she has ever had and wasn't sure what to expect.  Alex is definitely a great ambassador for the idea that foster kids are just normal kids who are in a bad position due to know fault of their own.  He is a great kid!  Academically he is doing great, scoring at the advanced level on the last reading test, consistently getting 100% on spelling and math tests.  I'm so glad to hear he is doing well and he LOVES his school.  The teacher said he tells everyone how he is staying here and doesn't have to move homes again till his Mom comes back.  He shared with his teacher about going to visit Mom so it seems like he has a good relationship with her too. 
James had two small cavities and they had openings to get them filled Wednesday and Thursday morning, which meant no preschool for him those days either.   The dentist said he did a great job.
We have the agency caseworker coming over for her monthly visit tonight and she called yesterday to see about setting up another visit for Alex and Mom in May.  So far she hasn't shared much information with me, but I know there is a court date sometime this month so maybe I will hear more. 
I may be calling the agency soon to let them know we still have a crib open and ready.......... :)

Update on First Visit

So here's how the first visit went down!

I picked Alex up from school and drove him downtown to drop him off with the County DHS worker around 2pm.  The night before, Alex and I went around the house and took pictures of his room and toys, and a picture of him with the dog to show his mom.  I wrote her a short note letting her know how great he has been and how he is doing in school.
When I dropped him off I asked the DHS worker to please explain to Alex that his mom was in prison on the ride over there, he believes she is at "Sleep Away Camp".
Around 6pm DHS worker brought him back to my house.  He told me that he didn't need to say anything to Alex because it was "clear where they were at" so clearly Alex understood.  Needless to say Alex does not understand, he now things mom is at a "very bad school" and she should have picked a better school to go to!!!!! AHHHHH!!!  I'm letting it go for now, but will probably have the conversation with him before the next visit.  DHS worker said mom was very appreciative for the letter and pictures and extremely emotional.  I think (hope) it was clear that he is in a good home, which I know has been an ongoing concern for his birth family.  His previous kinship home would frequently tell him they would send him to a bad foster home if he didn't behave.  She asked for me to get a specific lotion for him, which we have since done.  You can tell he really likes putting on the lotion that his mom wants him to use and it gives him a connection to her.  We really haven't had any behavior issues due to the visit.  We still have a lot of faux illnesses going on, but its been that way since he came so its not related to the visit itself.  No word on when another visit will take place.

Alex has first visit tomorrow

Today around lunch time I received a call from Alex's DHS case worker. He wanted to set up a visit with mom in prison for TOMORROW!  Nothing like waiting till the last minute.  He also told me he should have done it weeks ago and he's not making excuses BUT there was snow and he was sick, blah blah.  So now I have to pick him up early from school and drive him downtown, which will take about 45 minutes.   The best thing about all of this is that NOBODY has told Alex that mom is in prison.  He thinks she is at College learning how to be a great mom.  Anyway I probably should have kept the information about the visit to myself, but I told Alex he was going to have a visit with mom tomorrow.  We went around the house taking pictures of things he may want to show her and talk to her about, like his room, some toys, and the dog.  Now it is 10:00pm and he is complaining about his ear hurting and will not go to sleep.  His ear hurt last night when he didn't want to do homework too, only it was magically the other ear, and there has been no mention of either ear hurting all day.  Im getting really tired of all of thee phantom illnesses that only come around when he doesn't want to do something or is needing some attention.  Don't get me wrong I completely understand the "why" behind this behavior, but it doesn't make it any less draining.  I've taken care of his ear and babied him and pointed out that I think his ear probably hurts because he has some big feelings about tomorrows visit.  He told me he wants to be happy about the visit but is just afraid his ear is going to hurt too much for the visit.  He guesses he will just need to go to the hospital.  I'm trying to be patient, but I've been up to his room at least ten times now, the wailing and fake crying at the top of his lungs is pushing me to the edge.  Anyone have an overly dramatic, phantom illness kid at their house?  Any ideas?