Therapy 101- EFT: Emotional Freedom Techniques

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) also called "tapping" is a quick easy intervention or coping skill you can teach your kiddos to deal with big feelings anywhere at anytime.  Similar to acupuncture, the child will tap on certain points of their body while running through a script helping them process their feelings.  There is a wide variety of variations on how you can do this with your child, and an internet search will give you tons of ideas, videos, scripts, etc.

First you need to teach the tapping points.  Below is a video teaching a child to use the points.  For younger kids I would recommend using a stuffed animal and putting stickers or sewing buttons on the tapping points so they can practice with it.  You can choose to only teach a few tapping points if that is all your child can handle right now, I would do at least a minimum of four.  For my youngest we use four tapping points King's Crown (top of head), Mustache (Under Nose), Tarzan (Collar Bone), and Monkey (Under armpit).  For my oldest we do all of the tapping points and I made a "cheat sheet" that has pictures of him doing each tapping point so he can reference it as he works through the script.






Once they know the tapping points you can find scripts online or make your own, check out youtube too! You will find that most of the "adult" scripts are too long or complicated for kids to follow, here is a great page showing a way to develop simple scripts for kids:  Dumping, Dreaming, Deciding Technique for developing EFT Scripts.  Here is an example of a script I made for my son dealing with angry feelings: Printable Anger Script.  I used the Dumping, Dreaming and Deciding technique but also added in a section for Physical Symptoms because I think it is helps my son connect the physical symptoms to the feelings.

Here's the thing about the scripts, if your kid doesn't want to say it out loud, that's okay.  If they want to copy and repeat after you, that's okay.  If they want to read it silently, that's okay.  If they refuse to do the script at all and just sit there listening to you, that's okay too :)  The thing I've found most helpful with the scripts for my son is having him hear/say that his feelings are valid, that there is a way to have those feelings and work through him, and that he is an awesome/smart/brave kid.  He struggles with self esteem so having those positive affirmations reinforced while tapping is great for him.

We are working on making him a binder filled with different scripts and I have video taped myself doing the scripts on his Nintendo DS so he can watch them whenever he needs.  Its super simple to do and it can never hurt to give your kids more tools for their arsenal!



Resources
Do's and Don'ts of tapping with Kids
EFT SUPER STAR:  Brad Yates
Community Forums for Parents and Professionals using EFT with kids

2/20/2014

I listened to a great interview with Bryan Post that was taking place during an Online Training Summit put on by Full Potential Parenting, there are speakers all week so if you haven't yet go register!  It really hit home when Bryan was talking about letting out children feel what they feel, that when we suppress their feelings and suppress their attitudes what we get is the behaviors.  When Matthew got home from school he almost immediately through a tantrum about not being able to get on the Ipad.  He is not allowed to play electronics during the week, so this isn't anything new.  After being refreshed by the interview this morning I was able to stay calm, validate what Matthew was feeling and redirect him to getting something to eat so his brain could think.  We sat at the table together and really connected once he calmed down.  Win-Win, thank you Bryan Post!  I would love to get his DVD/Audio series for Parents but at almost $300 it seems a little out of my price range right now.

Matthew and I just finished a great game of Battleship, playing games is something I don't usually enjoy doing with Matthew.  I'm hyper-vigilant waiting for him to have a meltdown anytime he thinks he is losing, stuck in my own PTSD from all of the major rages and violent meltdowns we have been through that have been triggered from playing games with him.  Today was our first time playing Battleship, he had never played before, meaning I had to teach him the game, another trigger. Mathew doesn't like to listen to people explain or teach him things, see....he already knows it ALL :)  Then when it turns out he doesn't know it all and he is not as good at things as people who have been doing them and practicing them another meltdown begins.  You know what he said when he lost the game as we were cleaning up, "Hey Mom, I didn't even get upset I lost!".  You are so right my boy, you are awesome, I know how hard that is for you and you totally rocked it!!

Snow Day #39,401,749,201

Another snow day here in our neck of the woods.  At first it was just going to be a two hour delay, we were doing pretty good with that information.  Then it turned into a full day off and that's when things got crazy, real fast!
Matthew is really obsessed with "tricking" people and what he deems to be "April Fools Day" jokes.  Unfortunately these are not contained to the actual April Fools Day.  He jumps out at people and screams in their faces multiple times a day....you can see how this would get real old, real fast.  It is not funny, in fact the other day he did it to Joel while he was standing at the top of the steps.  That could have been real dangerous, but Matthew just will not listen.  This is where kids who struggle with attachment issues vary greatly from "typical" developing peers.  I get that to some degree it is completely normal for a nine year old boy to like tricks and jokes.  The problem comes when they obsess about them and fail to listen to the word 'NO'.   The same conversation about why they cant do something is had over and over and over and over and over again.  It is draining on the parent and unbelievably frustrating.  It makes the parent feel like a complete failure as it seems no progress is made after all of their efforts. 
A mere two days ago, Matthew thought it would be funny to play a joke on his brothers.  He placed a heavy ceramic mug filled with water on top of the door, so that when opened the cup would fall.  As you can see there are several things wrong with this picture.  While we were lucky the cup didn't land on anyone's head, the cup shattered into a million pieces, water was all over the wood floors and his brothers, they were scared and crying and he is in the corner laughing.  We discussed that this was not okay, that the jokes needed to stop, that this could have been really dangerous.  Blah, Blah, Blah!  Fast forward to this morning......he does the same. exact. thing.  WHY????????  I am so tired of it!!!!!
The boys come running to tell me, I call Matthew down and he lies.....blatantly lies.  I tried not to engage, just told him "That is a lie.  You did something you knew you were not allowed to do and instead of accepting your consequences with dignity you are lying to try and avoid punishment.  It will not work, lying will only make it worse."  To no avail....cause,  He didn't do it.....um I just heard the entire thing go down, yes you did!  The cup didn't break....commence walking upstairs where there is a broken cup.  He already cleaned up the water.....then why am I standing in a puddle????  AHHHHHH!
He is now in his room, I am trying to breathe and drink my coffee.

Getting me through snow days since....2010!

Food Issues

Do your kids have food issues?  I know mine do!  Across the special needs, foster care, and adoption communities I am involved in I am constantly seeing parents lamenting about what to do with their children when it comes to meals.  Some of the common issues talked about are:

Hoarding

Stealing

Refusing to Eat

Vomiting

Anorexia/Bulimia
Picky Eater
Overeating
Holding Food in Cheeks

Before you can address the food issues you have to understand where they come from, this is different for each child.  For us, my children had food withheld from them.  They didn't know where there next meal would come from and were punished when trying to "steal" food.  The food they did receive was mostly junk food without real substance.  They had never sat down at a table for a meal.  Matthew was exposed to this the longest.  When he first arrived sitting at a table and eating caused him so much anxiety that coupled with non-junk food being served would often lead to him purposely vomiting to get out of sitting at the table and eating.  He would "sneak" around and "steal" food, especially in the middle of the night.  He would refuse to eat food that was prepared and given to them and prefer to eat any food that he had taken without permission, regardless of if it was the same exact thing that had been offered.  James struggles with some of this but his main issues stem more from his "spectrum" like behaviors, he doesn't like change, textures, smells and colors bother him.  He gets stuck on liking certain foods and only those foods, he doesn't like meat (unless its chicken nuggets or pepperoni). Joel does not exhibit any ongoing behaviors but he was failure to thrive when he came and took awhile to adjust to taking a bottle and eating.  Now he has some copycat behaviors from watching his brothers but doesn't appear to struggle with food issues.

If you can identify what the underlying issue is you will have more success in coming up with some solutions to ease the daily struggle.

Here are some of the things we do to try and ease the battles and anxiety surrounding eating-

1. Plan meals together:   Each week we sit down as a family and talk about what meals each of us would like to have.  That way everyone is guaranteed at least a meal or two that they will eat and enjoy.
2. Post your schedule:  Once the schedule has been made for the week, breakfasts, lunches, dinners and snack options are posted for everyone to see. I also include the times for the meals.  This has reduced anxiety over meals.  I have taken pictures of food to put next to the schedule, so my younger kids and kids who are more visual can anticipate what is coming.  Even if they don't like the meal coming up they can see on the schedule where their favorite meal is and when its coming.
3. Involve kids in the cooking:  I try and pick a "meal helper" when preparing meals.  I've found when the child has made the meal they are more apt to try it!  This also goes for siblings, we will make it a competition of who is the best cooker this week so they need to try it to vote!
4. Let them pack their lunch:  My kids are responsible for packing their own lunches.  See Lunch for how we handle this.  I have found this to greatly reduce stress at lunch or uneaten food coming home from school.
5. Box of non perishable snacks: One of the suggestions you often hear from caseworkers or in trainings is to provide the child with a box of non perishable snacks they can keep in their room.  This is supposed to reduce anxiety that they will not receive more food and help with hoarding/stealing.  We tried this for awhile and it did help somewhat, however my son would eat everything in the box within the hour.  So we would pick 5 things for the box each Sunday.  When they were gone they were gone till next Sunday.  It helped him portion things out a little better.
6. Explaining the Behavior:  As my son got a little older and was better able to understand past events and what had happened one of the biggest game changers for us was talking about why he had food issues.  Discussing his early neglect and trauma and how this has tricked his brain into thinking he wont have enough food.  Understanding it has been key for him!
7. Get Creative:  One of the great things about the internet is all the wonderful tips and tricks you can find to be creative with food!  Cut your food into fun shapes, put food coloring in mashed potatoes/milk, hide veggies in the spaghetti sauce.  Start browsing around and see what you can find.
8. Rename the food: Its funny how giving a food a new name suddenly makes it edible!  Cowboy Casserole, Ninjago Carrots, the sillier the better.  I like to come up with whole stories to go with the names.
9. Incentives:   Im totally cool with bribing my kids, lol.  In our house we don't do dessert every night. However, if the kids eat everything on there plate they do get dessert!  Set up an incentive that will work for your child.  If stealing food is an issue maybe set up a variation of The Stealing Box.
10. Routine/Rules:  Developing a routine around mealtime can be very important.  Kids need to know what to expect.  Our routine is posted near the table:  1.  Prayer 2.  Go over Rules 3. Eat ____ bites of everything 4. Ask to be excused  5. Clean your area 6. Thank the cook.  We use dinner time to focus on manners (and my kids still totally suck at manners, so take this for what its worth, lol).  I try and focus on one "manner" at a time and post this as well. We add the manners to our Dinner Rules after we have worked on them for awhile.  We go over the rules before dinner.
11. Let it Go: Sometimes the bigger a deal you make of it the bigger the issue gets.  Prioritize what is most important to you when it comes to food and meal times and focus on that.  If the food issues don't bother you that much and their is no real safety issues, just let it go, eating chicken nuggets every day for a week isn't going to kill your kid. 
12. Sensory Alternatives:  You can also try things like Sensory necklaces made for chewing or allowing gum. Sometimes for the overeating bunch, they crave the chewing sensation.

Here is a great video by Dr. Karen Purvis on handling food issues. CLICK HERE

What ideas do you have for dealing with your kids food issues?  Share with us in the comments or join the discussion on facebook!

Kindergarten Transition Meeting

I'm starting to get nervous, tomorrow is James' Kindergarten Transition meeting.  I was originally surprised when they called to schedule a transition meeting for him.  The transition meeting is supposed to be for 3-5 year olds who have IEP's and will be transitioning to the school age program.  When we moved states James was discharged from his IEP by the Intermediate Unit (3-5 year old service providers).  This was appealed and we ended up mediating an agreement.  I didn't approve of the whole thing but after months of back and forth I realized he wasn't going to be getting any services that would be helpful regardless, they didn't understand trauma, attachment, or behavioral/emotional issues in general and certainly not to the extent of James' complex issues.  So when I got the call I was more than happy to schedule a meeting with the school district that he would be going to for Kindergarten.  The meeting was scheduled by the Intermediate Unit.  Imagine my surprise when a week later they called to try and cancel it since they realized he doesn't even have an IEP.  No way, I was not letting them cancel.  Clearly they have no idea what they are doing, I am more than happy to meet with the school district now rather than having to go through the whole dog and pony show come fall.  James' BHRS is coming to the meeting and I had the mobile therapist and his preschool teacher write letters outlining his problems, current goals and progress.  Hopefully we can reevaluate him and get him an appropriate IEP before Kindergarten so he doesn't fall even farther behind.

The Stealing Box

The Stealing Box was created by Bruch Buchanan and I originally found the idea in a book called "A Safe Place For Caleb" by Kathleen A. Chara and Paul J. Chara, Jr. The idea is to create a box that is filled with small toys or "vouchers" that can be traded in for bigger items.  The child is allowed to steal from the box (how often can be negotiated) and keep the items stolen if:

1. Nobody saw them stealing (this then hopefully satisfies the desire to steal elsewhere for the thrill)
2. Items are not stolen from anywhere else, inside or outside the home.
3. The child talks to the adult at the end of the day about their feelings surrounding the stealing.
4. If the child steals elsewhere, all items stolen from the box are returned.

Although at first glance you may be concerned this idea is encouraging the stealing, the idea is to meet the child where they are at and then help them to transition towards honesty as well as decreasing the episodes of stealing.

This idea could easily be adapted to a classroom setting as well.

Book Review: A Safe Place for Caleb

Title:  A Safe Place For Caleb
Author:  Kathleen A. Chara and Paul  J. Chara, Jr.

Description from Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1843107996/?tag=mh0b-20&hvadid=3525330470&ref=pd_sl_5sv099im3v_b
"A Safe Place for Caleb is a comprehensive and richly illustrated resource for individuals of all ages who are dealing with attachment problems. Parents, professionals, and lay people will find this book helpful in understanding and addressing attachment disorders in children, adolescents, and adults. The first half of the book is an interactive story that follows the experiences of Caleb, a young boy who relates his difficulties and frustrations in forming and sustaining healthy relationships. He learns strategies for coping with attachment issues during his journey to the Safe Tree House, where he is introduced to the four "attachment healing keys". These act as therapeutic tools to unlock difficulties with attachment, and are presented using text and illustrations that are easily accessible for readers of all ages, even for young children. The second half of the book presents a summary of current scientific thought on attachment styles and disorders, and provides a wide array of assessment tools, photocopiable material and healing techniques to address attachment difficulties. Lists of helpful organizations and relevant reading materials are also presented. Based on established psychological principles, the book is a unique and imaginative guide for professionals, parents, caregivers, and people of all ages who are dealing with attachment issues."

Review:
My son and I went through this book together when he was 7/8 years old, I wouldn't recommend it for kids much younger than this.  There are some really great concepts and parenting ideas in here that could be utilized for younger kids, so you may want to read through the book and introduce the concepts that would be appropriate for your child.  For older kids they could work through the book independently if they wanted to.
The book is broken into three parts.  Part I tells Caleb's story from the perspective of Caleb.  He starts by discussing his hurt parts, what he believed and how he behaved.  He then talks about starting to heal, how he changed his beliefs and behaviors  The next section in Part I talks about Caleb's Safe Tree House, a safe place that can be created in your mind to go to when things are tough.  He then goes over four steps to healing and where he ended up 15 years later.  Part II contains helpful charts, assessment tools, and handouts. There are several tips/tricks for dealing with difficult behaviors like lying, stealing, anger, negative thoughts, etc.  Finally, Part III has resources that might be helpful.
I would highly recommend this book if you are ready to delve into helping your child heal.  My son was fascinated reading Caleb's story, that bad things had happened to other kids too, not just him.  Those of you parenting kids from hard places know that dealing with all of these feelings can trigger some more behaviors in our kiddos, so you need to be prepared for that as well.  The book offers some GREAT suggestions on dealing with behaviors, we have used several of them!  The other thing I really liked about this book was the language introduced, "hurting beliefs" "healing behaviors", etc.
The language put some complicated ideas into simple language that can be used with your child to explain things they went through or feelings they are having.

Requesting a Special Education Evaluation

So you think your child may need special education services.  The first thing you want to do  is carefully read through your state's procedural safeguards.  I have compiled a list of links for each state here: PROCEDURAL SAFEGUARDS.  Your states procedural safeguards  will be a wealth of information, read them, make notes in them, put post its on important pages!  These will explain what it takes to qualify for special education services, the timelines and process involved, and answers to frequently asked questions.  This is the first place to go when you have a question or are unsure about something.  Do not rely on what the school will tell you, even the most good hearted, well meaning school personnel may give you incorrect information.

Once you have read through the Procedural Safeguards you will have a good idea of the different disability categories that a child can qualify in for special education services.  You can read more about the different categories here.  Your child may meet the qualifications of several categories.  The important thing now is to just get an idea of what categories your child would fit so you know what information to gather together to prove your child qualifies.  If you have any medical diagnosis/evaluations, psychiatric diagnosis/evaluations, recommendations from doctors/counselors/therapists, results from previous tutoring or interventions, past years report cards/evaluations/teacher concerns, you will want to gather them together. If you have already compiled your Documentation Binder, then you should have all that information in one place!

If you are at the point where you are thinking of asking for a special education evaluation you have probably already had numerous conversations with the school.  Many parents I know have even discussed wanting an evaluation many times, but never had anything come out of it.  It is vital that your communication with the school be in writing.  If you have a conversation in person or over the phone, follow up with an email detailing your understanding of the conversation and anything that is supposed to happen next. 

When you are ready to make the actual request for an evaluation, you are going to want to write a formal letter and send it to both the classroom teacher and the principal, you may also want to send it to other people within the district you have discussed your child with (Guidance Counselor/Social Worker, Special Education teachers/supervisors, District Administrators, etc).

There are many sample letters on the internet that you can take a look at when formulating your request.  Regardless of which format you use there are several things you want your letter to address.

• Why are you requesting an evaluation?  (what difficulties is your child having, what diagnosis do they already have)
• What has been done to intervene?  (In school interventions and out of school interventions tried to help child)
• An official request for an evaluation
• Give them a way to contact you and a timeline to get back to you.
• I recommend sending this letter by Certified Mail or Return Receipt, so that you have proof of the day you sent it and when it was received.

Here is a copy of the letter I used:

October 19, 2012

__________________ School

Dear

I am writing to request a multi-factored evaluation (MFE) for my child Matthew (DOB ). I am requesting this evaluation because of Matthew’s difficulty in the school environment and with accessing the school curriculum as well as numerous diagnoses which hinder his learning.  Matthew has been diagnosed with ADHD, Mood/Adjustment Disorder, Reactive Attachment Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Disorder-NOS, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Matthew was adopted through the foster care system in __________ and has been living with our family since ______________.  Given his background, past trauma, and mental health issues participating in his current school setting and accessing the general education curriculum is extremely difficult without additional supports.  As we proceed throughout this school year I would like to ensure that Matthew receives an appropriate education with the accommodations and support he needs in order to be successful and accurately demonstrate his abilities.

We have tried the following to help Matthew:

1.  Matthew has been enrolled in three different school environments prior to _________, online, public and private, with consistent negative behaviors that hindered his ability to learn across environments.  
2. At previous schools Matthew was given additional supports outside of the classroom, including adults to escort him out of class and help him get under control, access to a guidance counselor, participation in a social awareness group, one on one testing, and small group learning.
3. At previous schools Matthew was given interventions within the classroom such as frequent reminders, additional time, retaking assessments, reduced work and priority seating.
4. Outside of school Matthew participates in weekly counseling sessions and monthly meetings with doctors to address medications.  He has also participated in Speech and Occupational Therapies outside of school.
5. Matthew underwent a psychiatric hospitalization for a week in ___________ where he received both private and group therapy, art therapy, and individual counseling.
6. Matthew has been evaluated by a Neurodevelopmental Disorder Clinic and I have participated in their parenting workshop.
7. Furthermore, I am a licensed Special Education teacher and have spent a significant amount of time tutoring Matthew outside of the school environment.

This letter serves as my request and consent for a multi-factored evaluation of my child. Please provide me the name and telephone number of any person who will be forwarded this letter and who will be coordinating the MFE. You can send me information through Email (_____________) or call me during the day at _______.

Attached you will find copies of relevant evaluations, diagnosis and treatment plans that may help assist you during the evaluation process.  If you need any additional information I would be happy to provide it for you

I look forward to hearing from you within five school days of the date you receive this letter. Thank you for your help.

Sincerely,

 I hope this helps as you begin to try and wade through the school system!  If you have any questions feel free to comment or to use the contact form on the right.

Special Education 101: Disablity Categories

There are 13 categories that your child can qualify under for Special Education services.  You will want to look at your states procedural safeguards and read through the definitions there as well.  The following definitions are from the IDEA 2004 (federal regulations).

AUTISM:
Autism means a developmental disability significantly affecting verbal and nonverbal communication and social interaction, generally evident before age three, that adversely affects a child's educational performance. Other characteristics often associated with autism are engagement in repetitive activities and stereotyped movements, resistance to environmental change or change in daily routines, and unusual responses to sensory experiences.

Autism does not apply if a child's educational performance is adversely affected primarily because the child has an emotional disturbance.           

A child who manifests the characteristics of autism after age three could be identified as having autism if certain criteria are met.

           

DEAF-BLINDNESS:

Deaf-blindness means concomitant hearing and visual impairments, the combination of which causes such severe communication and other developmental and educational needs that they cannot be accommodated in special education programs solely for children with deafness or children with blindness.

          

DEAFNESS:

Deafness means a hearing impairment that is so severe that the child is impaired in processing linguistic information through hearing, with or without amplification that adversely affects a child's educational performance. 

         

EMOTIONAL DISTURBANCE:

Emotional disturbance means a condition exhibiting one or more of the following characteristics over a long period of time and to a marked degree that adversely affects a child's educational performance:            

(A) An inability to learn that cannot be explained by intellectual, sensory, or health factors.

(B) An inability to build or maintain satisfactory interpersonal relationships with peers and teachers.

(C) Inappropriate types of behavior or feelings under normal circumstances.

(D) A general pervasive mood of unhappiness or depression.

(E) A tendency to develop physical symptoms or fears associated with personal or school problems.

Emotional disturbance includes schizophrenia. The term does not apply to children who are socially maladjusted, unless it is determined that they have an emotional disturbance under this section. 

           

HEARING IMPAIRMENT:

Hearing impairment means an impairment in hearing, whether permanent or fluctuating, that adversely affects a child's educational performance but that is not included under the definition of deafness in this section.

 

COGNITIVE DISABILITY/MENTAL RETARDATION

Mental retardation means significantly subaverage general intellectual functioning, existing concurrently with deficits in adaptive behavior and manifested during the developmental period, that adversely affects a child's educational performance. 

         

MULTIPLE DISABILITIES:

Multiple disabilities means concomitant impairments (such as mental retardation-blindness or mental retardation-orthopedic impairment), the combination of which causes such severe educational needs that they cannot be accommodated in special education programs solely for one of the impairments. Multiple disabilities does not include deaf-blindness. 

         

ORTHOPEDIC IMPAIRMENT:

Orthopedic impairment means a severe orthopedic impairment that adversely affects a child's educational performance. The term includes impairments caused by a congenital anomaly, impairments caused by disease (e.g., poliomyelitis, bone tuberculosis), and impairments from other causes (e.g., cerebral palsy, amputations, and fractures or burns that cause contractures). 

         

OTHER HEALTH IMPAIRMENT:

Other health impairment means having limited strength, vitality, or alertness, including a heightened alertness to environmental stimuli, that results in limited alertness with respect to the educational environment, that--

(i) Is due to chronic or acute health problems such as asthma, attention deficit disorder or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, diabetes, epilepsy, a heart condition, hemophilia, lead poisoning, leukemia, nephritis, rheumatic fever, sickle cell anemia, and Tourette syndrome; and

(ii) Adversely affects a child's educational performance. 

           

SPECIFIC LEARNING DISABILITY:

Specific learning disability means a disorder in one or more of the basic psychological processes involved in understanding or in using language, spoken or written, that may manifest itself in the imperfect ability to listen, think, speak, read, write, spell, or to do mathematical calculations, including conditions such as perceptual disabilities, brain injury, minimal brain dysfunction, dyslexia, and developmental aphasia.           

Disorders not included. Specific learning disability does not include learning problems that are primarily the result of visual, hearing, or motor disabilities, of mental retardation, of emotional disturbance, or of environmental, cultural, or economic disadvantage. 

           

SPEECH OR LANGUAGE IMPAIRMENT:

Speech or language impairment means a communication disorder, such as stuttering, impaired articulation, a language impairment, or a voice impairment, that adversely affects a child's educational performance. 

         

TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY:

Traumatic brain injury means an acquired injury to the brain caused by an external physical force, resulting in total or partial functional disability or psychosocial impairment, or both, that adversely affects a child's educational performance. Traumatic brain injury applies to open or closed head injuries resulting in impairments in one or more areas, such as cognition; language; memory; attention; reasoning; abstract thinking; judgment; problem-solving; sensory, perceptual, and motor abilities; psychosocial behavior; physical functions; information processing; and speech. Traumatic brain injury does not apply to brain injuries that are congenital or degenerative, or to brain injuries induced by birth trauma. 

         

VISUAL IMPAIRMENT:

Visual impairment including blindness means an impairment in vision that, even with correction, adversely affects a child's educational performance. The term includes both partial sight and blindness.

 

RESOURCES:
http://nichcy.org/wp-content/uploads/docs/gr3.pdf
http://idea.ed.gov/explore/view/p/%2Croot%2Cregs%2C300%2CA%2C300%252E8%2Cc%2C

How Bey Blades have taken over my life, shown me how far we've come and pointed out what we still need to work on!

Have you experienced Bey Blades at your house?  If not, get down on your knees and thank God for the blessings he has bestowed upon you by keeping them out of your house.  I'd say we have had them in our house for about two years, the boys playing with them on and off.  However, this past month their has been a resurgence of Bey Blades, due in part to our trip to visit friends in Georgia who also liked them.  The basic idea is these little toys hook on to a "shooter"  when you pull the cord they go flying and then spin like a top on the ground.  Everyone shoots their bey blades and they spin into each other and whoever's blade is the last one spinning is the winner.  There is also a TV show....you know in case you wanted to have a marathon Bey Blade watching session.  Its not too bad at first, but after an hour of kids screaming at the top of their lungs "3....2....1, LET IT RIP". Followed by loud banging and crashing and yelling.......you see the dilemma.  Throw in there three little boys who think its fun to shoot these things into the air towards glass windows and you have a stressed out momma. 

As annoying as these toys are, last night I tried to look at the positives.  The boys are ALL playing together!  Sometimes it lasts longer than others, but usually we make it a good 30 minutes before I need to step in or remove someone from playing.  Sometimes its even longer!  To top it off they are playing it upstairs (away from the windows I was sure were going to get broken) so Im not even needing to directly supervise.  This is pretty impressive when you think about it, three years ago this would NEVER have been a possibility.  They also seem to be incorporating story lines into their play, granted the storylines still involve fighting and beating the other person, but its more than I have seen previously.  They are working on sharing and taking turns, being good sports, etc.  SOme of this requires more prodding on my part, but its happening.

There are a few things which are evident need some major work in our house still based on our Bey Blade interactions.  James' anxiety is still through the roof, and he whines and yells and stomps without telling anyone what the issue is.  Joel still has issues with sharing and with loosing the game.  Matthew still needs to work on is bossiness and his role as the oldest, meaning sometimes we do what the younger kid wants even if its not "fair" and that we need to help the younger kids play the game without getting frustrated at their lack of ability.

We had a long weekend due to MLK day, no school Friday or Monday, now we are on our second snow day (Tues and Wed).  I'm about Bey Bladed out!  Praying for school tomorrow!!

I may have a vampire in my house

The boys were playing so nicely upstairs with their Bey blades.....that is until the blood curdling screams!  That's right my newly nine year old son bit his five year old brother.  You may ask why he would do this, we'll apparently he had told James not to shoot the toys under the bed.  James did it anyway and he thought that warranted sticking his teeth into the apparent offender, ripping a giant hole in the shirt and puncturing the skin.   Nobody has bit in this house since Joel was in his terrible two phase!

The offender had to write an apology note and will be using his money to buy a new shirt tomorrow.

Documenting: Keeping a Binder

 

 

DOCUMENTING:

One of my goals for 2014 is to get organized, I've been going room to room clearing things out and preparing to get this all under control over here.  When my three boys first came I tried to prepare the best I could, but you don't really know what you don't know, LOL!  One of the areas that I totally could have done better in is organizing the massive amounts of paperwork, records, notes, and observations you have when dealing with foster care/adoption or children with medical/educational/mental health issues.  For the boys I have a HUGE Rubbermaid filled with papers, it is completely disorganized.  Today I am going to show you what I have been working on to get it all organized so I have a binder of documentation as it relates to the boys many needs and to make it easier to keep track of things going forward. 

Documentation is extremely important when you are dealing with children from trauma or children with mental health issues.  There are so many providers and professionals in and out of our lives that it is hard to keep track.  Every time we see someone new, I swear we leave with a new diagnosis or therapy to try or recommendation.  It doesn't matter if I tell them we have already tried X, Y, or Z for some reason they think I must not have tried it right or for long enough.  The unfortunate thing about mental illness is that it is not easily seen by a casual observer.  If my child had a cast on his leg and was taking awhile to walk down the aisle in the supermarket, no one would question that, people would try and help him or empathize with his situation.  When my child is screaming profanities and hitting me in the supermarket, the response in one of judgment, there is no help or empathy.  In the couple of incidences when we have had to take Matthew to the Emergency Room it has been hard to explain to the initial responders and later the hospital staff that we are here as a last resort, that we have tried all of our tools and strategies.  They see a cute little boy, but they don't see the years of trauma and abuse he has suffered.  They don't take you at your word when you try to explain the behaviors exhibited just mere minutes before.  We are not there because we are lazy parents who don't feel like dealing with our kid who is having a "tantrum".  This child that I am coming to you with has real issues, that are not his fault and not my fault.  He doesn't need coddled, I don't need a lecture, we need help.  By having all of your documentation in order and showing a history and pattern of behaviors you will have a much easier time getting the help you need and getting insurance coverage for some very expensive services that may be needed now or down the road.  Several parents I know have also had the unfortunate experience of having to deal with their local Child Protective Services or their children have been involved in the criminal system.  It is vital that you are able to protect your family from any accusations.  Having all of your documentation in one place certainly helps during these times and can help keep your responses and actions fact-based rather than emotion-based!

I decided a Binder for each child would be the best way to keep everything in one place and well organized. 


I've included individual links to most of my covers/forms, etc. as google docs so that you can modify them to meet your needs.  If you want just one file to download the entire binder, click here.





BINDER COVER:  You can get a copy of my Binder Cover here.  I choose to leave the child's name off of the front, that way if I need to bring the binder with me the name is not visible to anyone.  If you had more than one Binder you may want to put Initials or design a different cover to distinguish each child.

 

BACK OF BINDER:  I have a copy of this quote from Mother Teresa on the back outside cover of my binder.

 

Flash Drive:  Any time I receive paperwork, notes, emails, cards, etc.  I scan them into my computer and put a copy on the child's flash drive. By having your information in several places (Binder, Flash Drive and Computer file) you also prevent anything coming up "missing".  This is also a great way to keep copies of school work and crafts, just scan them onto the drive and you don't have to feel guilty about throwing away the weekly spelling test!  If you need to get the information to someone, you can always burn everything from the flash drive onto a CD that you can give them or email the specific documents they need.  I keep the Flash Drive and a few pens and post-its in a zipper pouch in the front of the binder. 

BASIC INFO SHEET:  This sheet goes in the front of the binder and contains any pertinent information such as, Name, Birthdate, Age, Grade, Height/Weight, Allergies, Medical Diagnosis.  I also put a current picture of the child on this sheet too.  If for some reason your child ever ran away or went missing this sheet could easily be given to the police.  I also have my child's fingerprint card and DNA samples on the back side of the plastic sleeve this sheet is in, you can get a free kit at http://www.pollyklaas.org/index.html.


CONTACT SHEET:  This sheet includes the names, addresses, phone numbers, fax numbers, and emails for anyone involved with the child.   Behind this sheet is one of those plastic baseball card collector sheets to place business cards in from various professionals involved with the child.  Always ask for a card or if they don't have one get their name and jot it down.   You never know when you will need to recall someone who had an interaction with the child.
 Case Workers
 Supervisors
 GAL/CASA
 Birth Parents
 Doctors
 Therapists
 Psychologist/Psychiatrists
 Counselors
 Evaluators
 Dentist
 Teachers
 Principal
 Former Placements
 Siblings and Extended Family
 Placements of siblings
 Hospitals
 Probation Department
 Residential Treatment Facilities
 In Patient Programs
 Out Patient Programs
 Partial Residential Treatment Facilities

CONTACT LOG:  You can get a copy of my Contact Log here.  Rather than tying to make all the information fit into columns, I've found it is easier for me to give myself as much space as needed to write notes or things I need to follow up on.  I will also insert written communication such as emails, cards, etc. in plastic page protectors.  I will still log these into the main Contact Log and then write "See Attached" in the notes section.  That way I can keep track of everything in chronological order. Get a copy of the cover sheet for this section here.

IMPORTANT PAPERS:  This section contains any important papers I need frequently, including copies of Adoption Decree, Birth Certificate, SS cards, Medical Cards. The other sheet I keep in here is a timeline of the child's life, including past placements and important events.  This can be very helpful when you are talking to various therapists and doctors, I find that having a visual of all the dates is helpful in getting a full picture of the child.  I can also add events to it as they come up or as new information is disclosed by those involved with the case.   Get a copy of the cover sheet for this section here.

CALENDAR: I have a monthly planner that I picked up at the dollar store in this section.  I find it is an easy way to keep track of appointments as well as jot down any behavior notes or incidents that I want to remember.  It is very thin so doesn't take up much space and it is bound, so I can store it each year much easier than having a bunch of loose monthly calendar pages.  I find it is helpful to develop some kind of rating system for the day (Red=Bad, Yellow= OK, Green =Good day OR a 1-5 scale), this way you can keep track of mood swings or patterns.  I keep the calendar indefinitely, this way you can compare patterns yearly as well.  For example, maybe you notice that every year around the date of the child's removal from birth parents things go downhill.  Once you get an idea about the patterns you can better anticipate and head off issues.

MEDICAL SECTION: If you have a child with significant medical issues you may find it best to have a whole binder divided by type of Doctor/Specialist.  For me,  I keep a summary sheet in the front with doctor/dentist information, how often and when they are supposed to see them, when the last appointment was and when the next one will be.  If the child has medical issues that require medications (not psych related)  I keep a separate sheet listing current medications, dosage, directions, who prescribed them as well as a medication history sheet showing past medications and notes on any side effects or how well they worked.   I have a medication log to document that I have given any medications.  I then just keep all medical documents by date, if something is important and I will need to find it quickly or often I will put a post-it note on it that sticks out a little from the binder.  In the back of this section I keep Incident Reports which I fill out if there are any bumps or bruises that I want to document.  Get the cover sheet for this section here.

 

EDUCATION SECTION: I keep a sheet of important information up front, School contact info, teacher name, grade, room #, schedule including "specials" (for example 'Gym Day' so we bring sneakers), school calendar, IEP dates.  Next is a copy of the current IEP and Evaluation in page protectors as well as a copy of the most current Procedural Safeguards for the state.  Afterwards all important documents are hole punched and put in reverse chronological order, with the most recent up front.  If a child receives early intervention I keep that paperwork in this section rather than medical section. Get the cover sheet for this section here.

PSYCHIATRIC SECTION: In this section I keep a summary sheet listing all current therapist/counselors with contact information as well as current medications.  I keep a separate sheet listing current medications, dosage, directions, who prescribed them as well as a medication history sheet showing past medications and notes on any side effects or how well they worked.  I keep the pamphlet that comes with the child's medication from the pharmacy and place a copy in the binder, it is a good summary of the possible side effects as well as useful for medical history when you are trying to find the right combination/dosage of medications.  I use the back to write detailed notes and observations on the medication.  I usually keep a few copies of their current medication sheet so I can hand it out when asked what medications the child is on ( I also include any Over the Counter medications or vitamins that are given regularly).  I have a medication log to document that I have given the medications.  I then just keep all medical documents by date, if something is important and I will need to find it quickly or often I will put a post-it note on it that sticks out a little from the binder.   I then have a copy of any current treatment plan in a page protector with all past treatment plans or therapy information hole punched in reverse chronological order.  This would include psychiatric evaluations, intake/progress/discharge records from psychiatric emergency room visits, inpatient/outpatient treatment centers, residential facilities as well.

SAFETY PLAN SECTION: In this section I keep a copy of our family's current safety plan in plastic page protector.  Any past safety plans are hole punched and placed in reverse chronological order behind the current one as well as any notes as to why it needed changed.  A safety plan is extremely important for a family to have BEFORE you are caught in the middle of a crisis.  It is very hard to think clearly when all hell is breaking loose and you are trying to keep everyone safe.  See my post on creating a family safety plan here.  Click here to see my post on creating safety plans.

BEHAVIOR SECTION:  This section will vary depending on what behaviors need to be addressed in each child.  I keep a Monthly Calendar at the front of the binder where I can jot down things, but keep note pages where more detailed summaries can be placed here.  Its often easier to make some quick notes on the calendar so I don't forget and then come back a the end of the week and put in some more detailed explanations here.  If we are using a specific behavior sheet or reward program I will include those here. I have an incident report form that I use to document events that I feel are bigger or more serious than the minor daily issues.   Get a copy of this sections cover sheet here.

COURT RECORDS: If your child is involved in any court actions you can keep a summary sheet of any court info you may have, court house address and contact information, judge assigned, attorney information, case number, important dates.   The rest of the Court paperwork gets organized by date.  I will also include a note page with a summary of what happened at a court date and include it accordingly. This section can also be used for any Police reports you may have, for example if Police had to be called to help get an unsafe child to the hospital. Get the cover sheet for this section here.

ARTICLES/DIAGNOSIS EXPLANATIONS: I keep a copy of important articles as well as summarized versions of the child's diagnosis in this section, along with a few extra copies.  These are great to hand out to people who are not knowledgeable about the diagnosis or who genuinely show an interest in learning more. I also keep a copy of the side effect sheets for any medication they are on.  Get the cover sheet for this section here.

Don't let RAD steal YOUR joy this Christmas.

I've heard a lot of talk this week about RAD kiddos and Christmas presents.  Parents at the end of their ropes contemplating not giving any presents or leaving a note from Santa saying their behaviors don't warrant the presents they wanted, but here's some socks.

Do I get this?  100%, in fact I have stared at the Nintendo DS box wrapped up under the tree every morning and contemplated taking it away.  My son has been particularly challenging and I have been particularly annoyed and irritated by his behavior.  Does he "deserve" the Nintendo DS?  Absolutely not! 

I could go into a diatribe about how Christmas isn't about deserving presents and Gods love has covered us despite our sinful nature, so shouldn't we also put aside our kids "sins" and show them love this Christmas.  I could, but I won't, this year I want you to stop and think about yourself on Christmas not your child.  

As parents of special needs kids we've given up a lot of "normal".  Our holidays are often stressful as we hyper-vigilantly plan out every minute.  We don't get to sit around the adult table and converse with friends and family as our kids play nicely in the next room, we are stuck watching our child like a hawk trying to put out fires before they are started, all the while holding our breath waiting for the next crisis.  If we do get a chance to talk with adults we end up listening to others critique our parenting or telling us that 'boys will be boys' or 'oh my kid does that, it's normal'.  Worse yet we hear about all of the perfect kids the other adults have as our son waters the plants with pee.
 

We've already lost so much at the holidays, do we really want to lose presents too?  The rest of the day may totally suck, the kids will be ungrateful and unappreciative.  They may break the very thing you bought them and that they wanted so badly.  BUT before all that there is a moment where they are excited and happy, truly happy.  It may only be a second, but YOU did that.  That happiness you see, the twinkle in their eye, it's not there often is it? That smile is what "normal" parents live for, and YOU have given that to them.   This year on Christmas morning I want you to take that moment, however brief it is, and cherish it, because you brought joy to an often joyless child.  YOU had a moment where you felt like a "good" parent, a "normal" parent enjoying their kids happiness on Christmas.

What will you get for YOU if you take away the presents?  Your child will NOT learn a lesson, there is no logic or cause and effect thinking with attachment disorders.  Your child will not remember this next time and say "Hmmm...last year I misbehaved and didn't get any presents, by golly this year I'm going to behave so I can have what I want."  Not. going. to. happen.  Likely the lack of presents or a note will only solidify what they feel inside, worthless, bad, un-loveable.  They will take that feeling and run with it the rest of the day their years.  You can guarantee a raging tantruming melt down  will be had, ruining not only their day but certainly YOUR day, cause you will now spend your Christmas trying to contain a crisis and keep everyone safe. 

Why do that to yourself on Christmas?  Sure you may have a moment of satisfaction, a moment of "See what happens when you don't behave!  See what happens when you treat me like crap, the one person who pours out their heart and soul to help you every single day!".  But is it worth it?  I for one would much rather have the fleeting moment of joy in my child's eyes then that moment of satisfaction.  A moment that in reality continues to make me feel like crap, a crappy mom who cant even enjoy Christmas with her kids, a crappy mom who can't help this child, a crappy mom who will never be enough.  This year I am going to be enough for me and enough for my kid.  I'm going to watch him open that Nintendo DS and see the quick twinkle of his eye however brief it may be.....and Ill hold on to that twinkle and remember it when he breaks this Nintendo DS (just like he broke the last three**! LOL).


***To my oldest son's credit the third DS was dropped in the toilet by his younger brother (he also has attachment issues) who thought peeing and playing at the same time sounded like a GREAT idea ;)

 

ENJOY YOUR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR MOMMAS, DO IT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE ENOUGH!

Christmas Challege Week 2 and a Great "Date"

We are still trucking along with our Christmas Challenge.  I did MUCH better at getting hugs in this week.  Matthew still pretends to resist physical contact but it is clear he needs and enjoys getting hugs.  I had a babysitter coming to the house on Friday night and no real plans on what to do, so I took Matthew out for a Mommy and Me date.  We had a great time.  We went to a movie and then over to Dave and Busters for dinner and games.  He really is such a great kid!  I am constantly amazed at how far he has come.

Balancing Openness in Adoptions for kids who suffered Early Childhood Trauma

The other night Matthew and I were watching "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" on TV.  As riveting as the movie is, I was scrolling through face book at the same time.  I ran across a post from Matthew's birthmom that she was watching "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."  Three years ago I would have just kept scrolling.  Three years ago I wouldn't have wanted to deal with the fall out from mentioning his birthmom.  I figured it would be best to just ignore it, he doesn't bring her up, so why push the issue. 

What I have realized over the last three years is that even though he doesn't bring it up or talk about her, there is still a connection.  It doesn't matter if that connection is rooted in trauma and hurt, it is there deep within his heart.  That connection can grow in his heart towards resentment and confusion, anger and guilt if left alone to fester without guidance.  If the fall out isn't dealt with now while he is young and can be guided, imagine how large that dark stain on his soul will grow.  Trauma like that when not dealt with is not easily contained when we are adults.

So I shared with him that his birthmom was watching the same thing right now.  He was giddy and excited that evening, it grew to a manic episode over the next few days.  BUT it was manageable, contained.  We discussed big feelings and holidays and missing birthfamilies.  We discussed that it is okay to be mad and sad and happy and curious and all the things that come with adoption and trauma, but it is not okay to hurt others, to be defiant and disrespectful, to be unkind and unfun to be around.  We discussed that he has all the tools he needs to handle his emotions, to sit with them and feel them, acknowledge them, and to be okay.

Three years ago I would have kept scrolling, today I relish the chance to practice everything we have learned, to look at how far we have come, to appreciate the fact that despite everything his birthmom will always be connected to him and love him even if she wasn't able to keep him safe. 

Balancing openness in adoptions with kids who have suffered early childhood trauma is difficult, but worth it.

Business Cards for Special Needs Families

 

I was reminded on facebook today about "special needs" business cards a dear friend of mine had made years ago.  When I saw these cards I just had to make my own, so that is what I did.  About a year ago I made these business cards to keep with me when we are out and about.  They have come in handy not only when my children are having some issues, but also to spread the word about early childhood trauma, mental health,  and attachment issues.  You can easily make these to fit your unique family situation or answer questions and comments that you frequently here. 

 

 

 

 

Creating a Safety Plan

Having a safety plan in place is vitally important when you are dealing with a child who struggles with mental illness, whether it is a threat of suicide, manic or aggressive/threatening behavior, knowing what to do when in the midst of crisis needs to be second nature to ensure everyone's safety.

When developing the safety plan it is important to have input not only from any family members or caregivers who it may effect, but also additional third parties such as counselors, therapists, first responders, etc.  It is important to know what your options are and what supports are available to you before a crisis occurs.  Having input from other trained professionals can help you find other available supports you may not know about as well as determining the best course of action for your particular child.  Involving others also protects you in the future and helps you to explain to first responders/hospitals/treatment centers the actions you took before contacting them and how the family has gotten to this point in the safety plan. Most importantly don't forget to include your child in this process.  Keeping the discussion open may help them recognize their own warning signs for crisis and respond better. asking your child about what would help them in crisis is a great place to start.

Having a written safety plan is only helpful if everyone in the family knows their role and what to do in an emergency.  It is extremely important that all family members participate in "practice" runs much like a fire drill.  In our house we have a code word we use to indicate that they are to go to the play room, lock the door, and pick a TV show to watch.  I use the code word every once in awhile when they least expect it and give out treats for good listeners.  By making it fun and non threatening I think it reduces any stress or fear when an actual need arises. 

Our safety plan includes a page (front and back) of basic/background/summary information including:

Child’s information

Family information 

Common Behaviors including known triggers/antecedents, things that can escalate/calm the behavior, strategies that may work.

Medications both current and past

Treatment and Interventions

Professional Team

Other Outside Supports/Resources

Safety Concerns

      YOU CAN GET A COPY OF THE CUSTOMIZEABLE SAFETY PLAN HERE

The second page includes the actual plan "If child is doing X, then you do Y."  This will be very child-specific, but here is a copy of ours so you can get an idea.

So now that you have your safety plan, you can just stick it on a shelf and forget about it right?  NO, the safety plan will have to constantly be amended and changed based on your families current needs and support systems.  It is also important to reflect on the safety plan and any changes that need to be made following a crisis.  You may want to ask What situations or triggers led to the crisis? What worked and didn't work?  What can we do differently to keep everyone safe and calm?
I like to make notes right on my safety plan and then develop a revised version based on my notes for the next crisis.

CRISIS BAG:

If any of you have ever sat in a psychiatric emergency room for hours on end, you know how boring, stressful and unproductive you can feel.  Creating a bag that can be left in the car or near the door is a great idea to prepare for a crisis.  Things are happening so fast when you reach the point of transporting or having your child transported to a hospital or emergency unit.  The last time we were in crisis the first responders wouldn't even give me the time to find my youngest kids shoes!!

This bag should include your crisis plan, documentation binder and some snacks, games, music or books for both yourself, the child in crisis, and any others who may be waiting for long periods of time.

You may also want to pack an emergency bag that includes a change of clothes and basic hygiene supplies in case it is determined the child in crisis will be admitted or transferred to another unit.





RESOURCES:
http://www.childcrisisresponsemn.org/resources/#t1
www.namihelps.org/MHCrisisplanbkltCH.pdf
http://kidslinkcares.com/mentalhealth/sample-safety-plans/
http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f13/must-read-creating-safety-plan-your-family-238/