Therapy 101- EFT: Emotional Freedom Techniques

Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) also called "tapping" is a quick easy intervention or coping skill you can teach your kiddos to deal with big feelings anywhere at anytime.  Similar to acupuncture, the child will tap on certain points of their body while running through a script helping them process their feelings.  There is a wide variety of variations on how you can do this with your child, and an internet search will give you tons of ideas, videos, scripts, etc.

First you need to teach the tapping points.  Below is a video teaching a child to use the points.  For younger kids I would recommend using a stuffed animal and putting stickers or sewing buttons on the tapping points so they can practice with it.  You can choose to only teach a few tapping points if that is all your child can handle right now, I would do at least a minimum of four.  For my youngest we use four tapping points King's Crown (top of head), Mustache (Under Nose), Tarzan (Collar Bone), and Monkey (Under armpit).  For my oldest we do all of the tapping points and I made a "cheat sheet" that has pictures of him doing each tapping point so he can reference it as he works through the script.






Once they know the tapping points you can find scripts online or make your own, check out youtube too! You will find that most of the "adult" scripts are too long or complicated for kids to follow, here is a great page showing a way to develop simple scripts for kids:  Dumping, Dreaming, Deciding Technique for developing EFT Scripts.  Here is an example of a script I made for my son dealing with angry feelings: Printable Anger Script.  I used the Dumping, Dreaming and Deciding technique but also added in a section for Physical Symptoms because I think it is helps my son connect the physical symptoms to the feelings.

Here's the thing about the scripts, if your kid doesn't want to say it out loud, that's okay.  If they want to copy and repeat after you, that's okay.  If they want to read it silently, that's okay.  If they refuse to do the script at all and just sit there listening to you, that's okay too :)  The thing I've found most helpful with the scripts for my son is having him hear/say that his feelings are valid, that there is a way to have those feelings and work through him, and that he is an awesome/smart/brave kid.  He struggles with self esteem so having those positive affirmations reinforced while tapping is great for him.

We are working on making him a binder filled with different scripts and I have video taped myself doing the scripts on his Nintendo DS so he can watch them whenever he needs.  Its super simple to do and it can never hurt to give your kids more tools for their arsenal!



Resources
Do's and Don'ts of tapping with Kids
EFT SUPER STAR:  Brad Yates
Community Forums for Parents and Professionals using EFT with kids

Balancing Openness in Adoptions for kids who suffered Early Childhood Trauma

The other night Matthew and I were watching "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" on TV.  As riveting as the movie is, I was scrolling through face book at the same time.  I ran across a post from Matthew's birthmom that she was watching "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer."  Three years ago I would have just kept scrolling.  Three years ago I wouldn't have wanted to deal with the fall out from mentioning his birthmom.  I figured it would be best to just ignore it, he doesn't bring her up, so why push the issue. 

What I have realized over the last three years is that even though he doesn't bring it up or talk about her, there is still a connection.  It doesn't matter if that connection is rooted in trauma and hurt, it is there deep within his heart.  That connection can grow in his heart towards resentment and confusion, anger and guilt if left alone to fester without guidance.  If the fall out isn't dealt with now while he is young and can be guided, imagine how large that dark stain on his soul will grow.  Trauma like that when not dealt with is not easily contained when we are adults.

So I shared with him that his birthmom was watching the same thing right now.  He was giddy and excited that evening, it grew to a manic episode over the next few days.  BUT it was manageable, contained.  We discussed big feelings and holidays and missing birthfamilies.  We discussed that it is okay to be mad and sad and happy and curious and all the things that come with adoption and trauma, but it is not okay to hurt others, to be defiant and disrespectful, to be unkind and unfun to be around.  We discussed that he has all the tools he needs to handle his emotions, to sit with them and feel them, acknowledge them, and to be okay.

Three years ago I would have kept scrolling, today I relish the chance to practice everything we have learned, to look at how far we have come, to appreciate the fact that despite everything his birthmom will always be connected to him and love him even if she wasn't able to keep him safe. 

Balancing openness in adoptions with kids who have suffered early childhood trauma is difficult, but worth it.

Creating a Safety Plan

Having a safety plan in place is vitally important when you are dealing with a child who struggles with mental illness, whether it is a threat of suicide, manic or aggressive/threatening behavior, knowing what to do when in the midst of crisis needs to be second nature to ensure everyone's safety.

When developing the safety plan it is important to have input not only from any family members or caregivers who it may effect, but also additional third parties such as counselors, therapists, first responders, etc.  It is important to know what your options are and what supports are available to you before a crisis occurs.  Having input from other trained professionals can help you find other available supports you may not know about as well as determining the best course of action for your particular child.  Involving others also protects you in the future and helps you to explain to first responders/hospitals/treatment centers the actions you took before contacting them and how the family has gotten to this point in the safety plan. Most importantly don't forget to include your child in this process.  Keeping the discussion open may help them recognize their own warning signs for crisis and respond better. asking your child about what would help them in crisis is a great place to start.

Having a written safety plan is only helpful if everyone in the family knows their role and what to do in an emergency.  It is extremely important that all family members participate in "practice" runs much like a fire drill.  In our house we have a code word we use to indicate that they are to go to the play room, lock the door, and pick a TV show to watch.  I use the code word every once in awhile when they least expect it and give out treats for good listeners.  By making it fun and non threatening I think it reduces any stress or fear when an actual need arises. 

Our safety plan includes a page (front and back) of basic/background/summary information including:

Child’s information

Family information 

Common Behaviors including known triggers/antecedents, things that can escalate/calm the behavior, strategies that may work.

Medications both current and past

Treatment and Interventions

Professional Team

Other Outside Supports/Resources

Safety Concerns

      YOU CAN GET A COPY OF THE CUSTOMIZEABLE SAFETY PLAN HERE

The second page includes the actual plan "If child is doing X, then you do Y."  This will be very child-specific, but here is a copy of ours so you can get an idea.

So now that you have your safety plan, you can just stick it on a shelf and forget about it right?  NO, the safety plan will have to constantly be amended and changed based on your families current needs and support systems.  It is also important to reflect on the safety plan and any changes that need to be made following a crisis.  You may want to ask What situations or triggers led to the crisis? What worked and didn't work?  What can we do differently to keep everyone safe and calm?
I like to make notes right on my safety plan and then develop a revised version based on my notes for the next crisis.

CRISIS BAG:

If any of you have ever sat in a psychiatric emergency room for hours on end, you know how boring, stressful and unproductive you can feel.  Creating a bag that can be left in the car or near the door is a great idea to prepare for a crisis.  Things are happening so fast when you reach the point of transporting or having your child transported to a hospital or emergency unit.  The last time we were in crisis the first responders wouldn't even give me the time to find my youngest kids shoes!!

This bag should include your crisis plan, documentation binder and some snacks, games, music or books for both yourself, the child in crisis, and any others who may be waiting for long periods of time.

You may also want to pack an emergency bag that includes a change of clothes and basic hygiene supplies in case it is determined the child in crisis will be admitted or transferred to another unit.





RESOURCES:
http://www.childcrisisresponsemn.org/resources/#t1
www.namihelps.org/MHCrisisplanbkltCH.pdf
http://kidslinkcares.com/mentalhealth/sample-safety-plans/
http://www.conductdisorders.com/forum/f13/must-read-creating-safety-plan-your-family-238/

So your kid draws a scary picture.....

Here's the picture I found this morning on our coffee table:

This was MY interpretation:
In the top left corner is a boy scribbled over in black, he has an arrow next to his feet pointing to a heart and breathing fire onto the house.  I interpreted this to be Matthew burning the house down and not having a heart.  At the bottom of the house is a boy smiling holding a bloody knife, which I interpreted as Matthew.  There are three ghosts with stabbed hearts in the house which appear to be throwing up blood, I interpreted this to be myself and Matthews two brothers.

I started freaking out......I contacted some of my other Moms who get "it" and they calmed me down.  They told me to take a breath and just ask him to tell me about the picture when he gets home.  Don't react, thank him for sharing his feelings with me and keep the conversation open.

So tonight after Matthew and I played a few rounds of Speed, I pulled out the picture and asked him to tell me what was happening in the story.

Here is the explanation:
There was a Halloween drawing contest at school. He drew this picture of a black crow shooting lava at a house.  The good guy is going into the house to kill the evil vampire ghosts.  The ghost have broken hearts because they asked a girl out and she said no.  He didn't win the contest, another kid who had a picture of evil zombies won.  He was pretty mad he didn't win.

I totally overreacted,  MY PTSD took over, LOL.

Let this be a lesson for you, don't freak out till you get all the facts :)

Art Therapy Thursdays: Animal Sculpture

I found this weeks Art Therapy Thursday idea on Deborah Hage's website.  There is some really great articles on her site, its worth taking a few minutes to explore!   http://www.deborahhage.com/articles/sculpy.html

The activity involves the children making their own animals out of clay.  You can pick up the Sculpey brand clay at any craft store. I got mine at Walmart for about $8.  This type of clay can be baked after the kids are done to make the sculptures hard.  You could use regular modeling clay as long as you didn't want the sculptures to be able to stick around for awhile!

I explained to the kids that they needed to make an animal out of the clay that they would want to become.  It could be a real animal or a made up animal, but it had to be 3D (able to stand up) not flat.  I also told them when they were done they would get to tell us all about their animal and why they would want to be that animal.

When they were finished I gave them each the opportunity to tell me all about their animals.  I asked some guiding questions like "What does your animal eat" and "Where does it live" if they needed help telling us about it.  It really was amazing the insight I was able to get by observing and interpreting their choices when creating the animals.

Matthew created an Elephant.  He told us he wanted to be an elephant so he would be big and strong and have sharp tusks that could defeat anybody.  This has been an ongoing theme for Matthew since he came to me three years ago, the desire to be bigger and stronger than everyone, "defeating" the bad guys.  Makes perfect sense given his history, clearly there is still a lot of vulnerability and feeling helpless here. 

James made an octopus.  When asked why he wanted to be an octopus he told us that he could swim after people in the ocean and catch them with all of his arms. This describes James to a "T".  He is an attention seeker and a hugger with some serious boundary/personal space issues :)  I can definitely picture him swimming around the ocean chasing people and hugging them with all those arms.

Joel made some rock thing that he called his "baby", cause....well, he's 3 and he liked to smoosh the colors together, LOL!

We had a great time together doing this activity.  The boys were all engaged in their own sculpture.  They had to ask me for pieces of clay so it gave us an opportunity to practice manners and sharing. 

I'd love to see pictures if you try this activity at your house!!  Feel free to link to your blog post in the comments!

Art Therapy Thursdays: New Blog Segment

 

 

 

Introducing a new weekly blog segment:

 

 

ART THERAPY THURSDAYS

If you are new to my blog, let me give you the quick summary of my family!  I am a single mom who has adopted three boys through the foster care system.  I am still a foster parent so we may or may not have some extra children in our home at any time.  My three boys suffered a great deal of early childhood trauma before coming to my house due to abuse and neglect.  As a result of their trauma my oldest two have experienced varying degrees of difficulty forming healthy attachments.  If you want to know more about the effects of early childhood trauma and attachment resistance I encourage you to check out Beyond Trauma and Attachment, Inc. (BETA) at www.momsfindhealing.com .  Parenting kiddos who have experienced trauma is unique and challenging but every step of progress they make is a huge blessing.  Knowing you played a hand in their healing is beyond satisfying, it is a comfort to your soul.  There are thousands of kids right here in the United States waiting for homes, it is not easy road and this whole parenting gig is not easy, but to that one child it matters.  I encourage you to look into foster care and/or adoption in your area.  If you have any questions I'm happy to discuss it with you!

With that background out of the way, my kids love arts and crafts of any kind! They beg to break out the glue, glitter, and scissors and I cringe at the suggestion.  Do any of you know how MESSY boys are???  My sons teacher calls him Houdini due the amount of mess he can make in mere seconds.  So how do I solve this dilemma, I turn this arts and craft time into a learning opportunity.  We have Art Thursdays at our house. It is almost as popular as Pizza Friday!  This means that Thursday afternoon/evening we have a craft.......well they think it is just a craft.  In reality the "crafts" that I pick for us to do serve many purposes.  First, we do the "craft" together to encourage some family bonding time.  Fun, no pressure bonding time is GREAT for our work on attachment issues.  Second, we focus on the kids using positive social skills, if you want to participate in the "craft" you have to use manners and be kind to one another, passing the materials, encouraging one another, and focusing on the task. Third, the "crafts" focus on therapy type things (so official sounding right 'therapy things'), feelings, self-image, social skills, trauma, etc.  There is always a hidden goal to the activities.  Despite my randomn unsuccessful attempt to get into Johns Hopkins University and study Art History, I know little about art or therapy!  There are some GREAT activities out there that you can do with your kids, especially if you spend an insane amount of time on Pinterest like I do :). Sometimes are activities are more "therapeutic" than others, the point is just to get the discussions and thoughts started.  Many times when I have thought the activity was a disaster, weeks later one of the boys will mention it in relation to something they learned.  Melts your heart!  

Each Thursday I will be featuring a craft or art activity that you can use in your home.  I'm hoping you find them as fun and helpful as we do.  Feel free to link up an activity or ask questions in the comments!

Trajectory of Healing

We are coming to the end of a 9 month family based treatment program, I am glad and ready to take a break for awhile.  No more frantically cleaning the house several times a week to prepare for the therapists.  No more wasting hours each week teaching the therapists discussing trauma/attachment and the lasting effects it has on my children.  It became pretty evident early on that this would be one more thing to add to our list of therapies that didn't really help.  Within the first few weeks the therapist told me he didn't really know what to do with our family.  He was used to going in and spending the first six months teaching the parent how to develop structure, rules, rewards and consequences.  All these things were in place in our house from the day I brought them home.  It is what I have heard for three years, the only thing the therapists we have seen know how to do is reprimand and scorn.....I mean.... help the parent :)  I understand that in reality the majority of the kids they see with behavior issues are really just products of their environment and poor parenting skills, but when a child who is truly mentally ill comes along, no one knows what to do.  I don't understand this.  I've spent the past three years reading, researching, talking with other parents.  I've developed strategies, skills, and tools for my kids to use.  I'm tired of doing their job.  Yesterday I asked the therapist if he had any suggestions for helping James with his impulsivity and processing delay.  He has always been very impulsive, doing whatever pops into his mind.  Unfortunately his impulses tend to be hitting or throwing or yelling in your face.  These things will not go over well in his 5 day a week preschool next fall.  We have really been trying to work on this and what I have noticed is that what often comes across as defiant behavior seems to be more of a processing delay.  For example,  if he comes up and screams in your face, you will ask him to stop and he will immediately scream in your face again, he may even do it with a laugh.  There seems to be a five second delay for what you have said to sink in, and you may even have to say it several times.  I don't think what he is doing is intentional, I genuinely don't think he is processing what is going on around him and what is being said correctly.  Anyway, the therapist says to me, "Brett, why do you always ask these questions that I can't help you with?!"  Um I don't know.....guess I just figured you were the one who went to school for this stuff!

Matthew had a new Psych Eval for the camp he will be attending this summer.  The family based counselor was there and asked how he was doing in the program.  He told the evaluator, "Matthew was a good trajectory of healing before we entered the picture and I believe he will continue on a steady path of growth."  Its true he has come so far, no thanks to the many 'professionals' along the way, for once in my life I'm taking the credit on this one, I'm the one......ok, ok, Ill give Matthew some credit too :)

I'm ready to be done....4 more weeks.